My two earlier posts this week [Part I here; Part II here] have interacted with President Obama's Fatherhood Initiative. The president, himself a father of two, has made recommended some practical things dads should do with their children such as show affection and write them notes. So in this final part of the post, I want to offer some guidance toward a basic fatherhood initiative for the local church.
To be a more effective father, men:
- Teach your children to build their lives upon the Word of God. (i.e. carry out you're your calling to lead your family!) Here Psalm 119:9 is key: How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your Word. A young woman keeps her way pure by guarding it according to God's Word as well. Dad, God's Word must be central to your fathering and your leading, for there alone may your children find true Wisdom and the One who is "The way, the truth and the life." For more on the centrality of God's Word in parenting, see Deuteronomy 6. Steep them in the storyline of Scripture: Creation, Fall, Redemption, New Creation.
- Teach your children to think biblically, logically and critically. Instilling a biblical worldview in them from the cradle will help them to think both logically and with discernment. As Mark Noll has well said, the Christian mind is pretty much dead. Fathers, begin helping your children to view everything through the lens of Scripture. Don't forget to teach them about the reality of the fall, that all the bad things they see in this world are a byproduct of Genesis 3. Otherwise, as Paul David Tripp so well points out in his writing, your children will suffer from location amnesia and will fail to have an accurate take on reality.
- Warn your children to be on guard for the deadly viper of pride. Self-love will eventually lay them low, but Gospel-based, others-focused service will lead to godliness. Teach them to view "others as more significant than yourselves." (Phil. 2:3) Model this for them in the way you treat others; children have an uncanny gift for spotting hypocrisy in parents, especially in dads.
- Discipline your children in a way that points them to the Gospel. Talk to them about God's law, His wrath and the connection between the two to show them that our God is a holy God who can by no means pass over sins.
- Model Ephesians 5 in your marriage to their mother. Have a home that pictures the Gospel in your kind and gracious servant leadership. Headship is not you being the "boss." It's a solemn calling that demands that you love her as Christ loved the church. It could cost you your life. You are raising future husbands and wives; they desperately need to see this.
- Model for them a deep love for God's people, His church. Warn them that a healthy Christian is no lone ranger. (Heb. 10:25) Instill in them the truth that the local body is God's ark of safety for His children.
- Spend "free time" with each of your children and in your time together, talk to them about God's handiwork in creation. Make talking about and thinking about God natural to them. Again, remember Deuteronomy 6. Make sure they know that "this is my father's world." Point to God's sovereignty over every square inch of the creation. Give them a big view of God and tell them that they were created to glorify and enjoy Him forever. Avoid the unbiblical sacred/secular dichotomy; teach them that they can glorify God by playing baseball or through ballet or through algebra homework or through vigorous play on the jungle gym.
- Laugh much with your children. As John Piper well said recently, a person who is humble lives a life filled with genuine laughter. When we laugh, we admit that we do not have it together, that we need God's grace constantly. Help your children to see irony and humor in this fallen world. Do not give them the false impression that you are sinless and have it all together. Remember, when you came to Christ, you laid down not only your sin, but also your righteousness. The righteousness you now have came from outside you.
- Let your children know that you love being their father. Our Father loves us and communicates it clearly through His Word. You must do the same. Exhibit deep joy in parenting, even when you are having a bad day. This will give them security and children desperately need that from their father.
These are merely a few basic points in one evangelical's fatherhood initiative. There are many, many more good points that could be made, but in my own fathering, I want to start with these fundamentals. Indeed, a father's responsibility does not end at conception; it is only just beginning.