Gender Blog

She Does Him Good (even before she meets him), Part II

Jeff Robinson — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:00:00 +0500

4. Trust.

We can live a life of trust now. Many women I know in marriage worry. Worry if their husband will cheat on her. Worry if they will have kids, or how many kids, or whether their kids will turn out ok, whether her husband will lose her job or not, worry…worry…worry. Scripture definitely tells us not worry. But, if we live a life of worry now – how will that change when we get married? We will probably carry those very traits into our marriage. Matthew 6 gives us clear instruction in this area: “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

5. Modesty.

Wow – this one is a big one. We often think that men will like us better if we show more skin? Hmmm….let me think through this. Two guys in my life have spoken this to me in the past ten years: “Kim, I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about what you wear. Thank you for protecting me.” “Kim, I know guys who don’t attend ____________ in the summer at church because the women don’t know how to dress and they don’t want to go there and struggle with lust, so they just do not go.” This last one breaks my heart. That women don’t care enough about their brothers in Christ to wear modest clothing. Lord – may we seek your heart on this matter, not legalism. Legalism and hem lines will never win this battle. Our heart must seek you in everything we wear. 1 Timothy says “women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.”

6. Excellent.

Do you do things haphazardly? Or do you live your life with a strive toward excellence? This goes in everything? Meals. Clothing. Cleaning. Homemaking. Work. Relationships. Ministry. Play. Prov 31.29 “Many women have done excellently but you surpass them all”. This life is not a competition, but we want to show excellence in our work, ministry, and heart for the glory of the gospel of Christ.

7. Wisdom.

“Prov 31.26: She opens her mouth with wisdom.” Man. I want this to be evidenced in my life. And nothing of wisdom comes out of this sinful mouth. All wisdom that departs these lips and from this heart are only by the grace of God and clearly rooted in Scripture. If people ask for my opinion, I TRY to offer Words of LIFE not Kim’s opinions. I purposefully attempt to take folks back to Scripture and help them to see the Words that are crucial to us living a life glorifying of the One who died for us.

8. Giving.

Prov 31.20: “She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” This doesn’t have to mean giving money or food to the poor/homeless who stand on the street corner of seemingly most intersections these days. This may mean serving with a ministry in your city or church that helps the poor or needy. This may mean taking a dinner to a family who has been struggling, whether physically or emotionally. There is no end to what you can do to practice this verse while you are still single – and then hopefully carry those practices with you into marriage.

9. Handy.

Prov 31.19, 22: “She put her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She makes bed coverings for herself.” I started a sewing project yesterday. And why – to practice this verse. Laugh. But, I want to give it a try. And, no – you don’t have to be able to sew to obey this verse. But, why not? As a friend said to me the other day, this verse may mean you clipping coupons and going to Bed Bath & Beyond when their comforters are on sale.

Monday: Final part.

She Does Him Good (Even Before She Meets Him), Part I

Kim Davidson — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:58:12 +0500

A few years ago I read Carolyn McCulley’s book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? and thoroughly enjoyed it and was convicted by it. God used that book powerfully in my life and heart. These are my thoughts as I have continued to reflect on Proverbs 31.12 “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” The past few weeks these have been in the forefront of my mind and I hope to spell out very practical, yet biblical ideas that we as women can pursue while we are in a period of waiting (no matter how long we wait). I never thought I would be inching close to 34 and still be single. My Mom always thought I would be married before she was (at 27). Well, God has some great big plans that so far has not included a wedding ring for me. But – He has allowed me to follow Him through some amazing things: mission trips, seeing the world, 3 moves to three states, incredible ministry with college students, working at two great seminaries, speaking to women all over the Southeast, and now working at an amazing church in my favorite area in the country. God is incredibly gracious to me. So…are you ready?

1. Idleness.

I put this first because I think it is the one I struggle with the most. Yes, I multitask (as most women are pretty good at this), but do I multitask at what I should be multitasking? I can watch TV, wash the dishes, and read my Google Feeds at the same time – but is there something I could be doing in that time that would be more constructive. A former boss of mine said that often we do the easy things first just because we are putting off doing the hard things.
Many women in my life epitomize a lack of idleness. I watch them and find it hard to believe that have any energy at all? I want to “work with willing hands”, “rise while it is yet night”, “she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Prov 31.13, 15, 27).
Idleness is defined as not occupied, lacking worth or basis. Is this how you want your life to be defined? I am not saying you need to be out of the home 6 nights a week to not be idle. Actually, almost the opposite would be true. As single women we have such a great opportunity and time to open our home to others and participate in ministry. Let’s take advantage of that!

2. Integrity.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her.” (Prov 31.11). Well, Kim, I’m not married. This is why we are practicing these things now. The wedding band is not a magical circle that once it slips on your ring finger it makes you all of these things mentioned in Prov 31. Integrity is Psalm 101.2 says, “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house.” Are you a person of your word? Do you keep your commitments? Can people trust you? Are you the same woman in your bedroom as you are when you are at work or at church? Do you model a life of integrity to non-believers?

3. Faithfulness.

Prov 31.12: “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. Not just once we get married or find that special guy. ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. This is key to this verse. We need to intent on living now. We need to watch our relationships with men who are not our husbands, every word and act and deed and touch be seen in light of “this man is my brother in Christ”. This is probably the part of my heart that I struggle with the most in relationships: trust in men. How will I keep one man satisfied for the rest of my life? Will my husband fail me? You know, the only thing I can do about that is be obedient to my loving heavenly Father, be faithful to what He has called me, and not put my final hope and trust in Man. Psalm 20.7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” This practicing of faithfulness, starts now. In the little things. In the big things. In every thing.

Friday: Recommendations 4-8. This three-part series will conclude on Monday.

Stinson at CCH Conference: Train Up Boys to Be Men

Jeff Robinson — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:20:27 +0500

Randy Stinson, president of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, delivered a pointed and much-needed message about the way contemporary parents are raising their sons in his address last weekend at the Connecting Church and Home Conference at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary: raise your boys to be men. �Below are some of Stinson’s quotes from his presentation in context. The entire may be viewed at �http://www.sbts.edu/resources/conferences/connecting-church-and-home-general-session-2/

�On taking pains to raise boys in a way that ensures they avoid pain: "We are raising our young boys to be way too soft, way too careful, as if the ultimate prize in our parenting of boys is to get them to 18 years old and say they never got hurt, nothing bad ever happened. They never experienced pain. They never experienced disappointment. They have just had a wonderfully smooth life. What you've done, you have handicapped that boy for the rest of his life," Stinson counseled. "He will be a weak, soft, ineffective man."

�On some contemporary praise music that speaks about Jesus as if he were the object of a love-struck middle school boy’s affections: "When we talk about the Christian life in terms of sensual, romantic language, why are we surprised when men don't get that and men are repulsed by that, they don't understand that?"

�On the sentimental renderings of our Lord that were popular in the Sunday school literature during the latter half of the 20^th century: "Part of the problem in our church today is that our men have this view of Jesus that comes from our Sunday school literature. Have you ever seen a picture of him in any of our Sunday school literature, any picture ever? His hair is perfectly flowing. His beard is very nice. His skin is smooth. There's no way he looked like that. He was the son of a carpenter, without any power tools, and he walked everywhere in the blistering sun."

On the typical local church men’s ministry: "You cannot just put a bunch of men together and assign them to a care group like some sort of E-Harmony for men and think that is going to solve and fix and help the masculine soul. We have modeled most of our men's ministries after our women's ministries -- get the men together, read a book together, hold their hands and pray together and talk about the worst sin that you ever did -- and that ain't happening. Men solve problems. They fix stuff. They get stuff done. When we give men such weak assignments -- we put them on the bereavement committee and the flower committee and the grounds committee and the fellowships committees -- give men a God-sized task that they know requires a man."

On the missiological fallout in the local church of raising boys that are soft: "We're telling our boys, 'Don't jump your bike. Don't climb that tree. Don't fall down, don't get hurt. And then when they are 18 or 17, pastors are calling out for the men in this church -- maybe even particularly the single men to take some risk: 'We are trying to reach this unreached people group. We don't know what's going to happen there and we need some of you that may not have families yet but some men with courage, with ambition, godly ambition, we need you to help.' You think that guy is raising his hand? You told him not to jump his bike, not to even climb a tree. You told him the worst thing in the world is don't get hurt. That's the main thing. He's not going anywhere, and he's not going to pursue your daughter, because he's weak and scared and has no godly ambition. When he gets knocked down he's not getting back up. He has no godly resilience."

Praise God for our president’s bold and clear-headed call for the raising up of godly and manly future men. One media outlet of a decidedly leftward tilt employed Dr. Stinson’s words as if to prove that he is radically out of step with the 21^st century feminized male temperament—the sort that spawned the category “metro-sexual.” Clearly, he is, and for this I am deeply grateful.

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Connecting Church and Home Conference Notes and Video

Jeff Robinson — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:31:40 +0500

Tony Kummer over at the blog on Ministry-to-children.com has put together an excellent set of notes that summarize each presentation at this past weekend's Connecting Church and Home Conference held Friday and Saturday at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

We appreciate our dear brother for making his excellent work available to the readers of Gender Blog. The notes may be acccessed here:
http://ministry-to-children.com/category/family-ministry/connecting-church-and-home-conference/

Video of each of the speakers is also available for download at http://www.sbts.edu/resources/

Connecting Church and Home Available Via Live Streaming

Jeff Robinson — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 22:01:35 +0500

The Connecting Church and Home Conference kicks off today at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky. Sessions will be live streamed beginning at 4 p.m. today through the end of the conference on Saturday.

Keynote speakers will include Southern Seminary President R. Albert Mohler, Jr., Southern's Dean of the School of Theology Russell D. Moore and CBMW President Randy Stinson, among others. Further information as well as live streaming of the conference may be accessed at http://www.sbts.edu/

Of Fatherhood and Heroes, Part II: A Hero is Marked by the Grace of God

Jeff Robinson — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 01:19:32 +0500

What is a hero? Iain Murray points out in his recent book Heroes (Banner of Truth) that the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines is as, "A man who exhibits extraordinary. . .greatness of soul, in connection with any pursuit, work or enterprise.' That's not a bad definition, and though I am mostly writing out of the experience of raising boys and having been a boy with heroes (both good and bad as you now know!), God has also given the church many heroines such as Amy Carmichael and Lottie Moon. The Titus 2 model of women ministering to women operates upon this precept as well-older, and presumably wiser and godly women, mentoring younger women in the faith.

Besides the Christ, the God/man, the one in whom all might, wisdom and greatness consists eternally, is it appropriate for Christians to have what I am here calling "heroes?" Since Scripture is our God-inspired and inerrant authority, it is our arbiter of truth and doctrine. I believe the Bible does provide warrant for this, so long as we are careful to establish the criterion for those who are worthy of our admiration and emulation. �For example, the apostle Paul, in numerous places, encourages his followers to walk in his footsteps: "Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us" (Phil 3:17). Was the great apostle being egotistical? No, because Paul rooted his example in the grace of Christ that was at work in him: "For I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me" (Rom 15:18a) and, "I am what I am by the grace of God" (1 Cor 15:10). So Paul's call for his followers to imitate Him might be articulated this way: "Insofar as I faithfully follow Christ, imitate me." As I teach my sons and daughters about heroes, this is criterion number one: Follow those who follow Christ. Thus, by necessity, a hero must be one who is faithfully going hard after Christ, one who is being transformed by grace into the image of the eternal Son of God.

Hebrews 11, the famous "hall of faith" also provides warrant for admiring "great" people and expands upon what it looks like in the nitty-gritty of day-to-day life for one to follow Christ faithfully. While cloud of witnesses in Hebrews 11 are demonstrating a rock-ribbed and exemplary trust in God, usually in the midst of difficult circumstances, they are also bearing witness to a far more glorious reality: the faithfulness of a sovereign God. This is precisely why Paul, in 1 Cor 1:4 gives thanks for the grace of God that is evidently at work in many in the church at Corinth. Paul gives thanks for their example, but in so doing, he is really glorifying God for His work which is manifest in the lives of those people: "I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus." �Thus, it is entirely fitting to seek to emulate other godly believers for, in so doing, you are imitating the Creator of the universe who is at work in them.

So, how does this first mark play out in commending believers around us as heroes? Several of the men whom Murray spotlights will be familiar to Gender Blog readers. In the opening three chapters, he examines Jonathan Edwards, George Whitefield and John Newton. Murray commends Edwards for his careful biblical analysis of religious experience in light of his participation in the Great Awaking. He commends Whitefield, who, though he held unflaggingly to �a set of theological convictions, still loved and affirmed all kinds of Christians, even those like his dear friend John Wesley, who �differed with Whitefield on some important theological issues.

"When we confine the Spirit of God to this or that particular church; and are not willing to converse with any but those of the same communion," wrote Whitefield, "this is to be righteous over-much with a witness. The Spirit of God is the centre of unity; and wherever I see the image of my Master, I never enquire of them their opinions; I ask them not what they are, so they love Jesus Christ in sincerity and truth, but embrace him as my brother, my sister, and my spouse: and this is the spirit of Christianity."

Next, Murray introduces readers to John Newton, the slave trader turned radical believer and author of the famous hymn "Amazing Grace." Newton is exemplary to us, Murray argues, because he never got over the fact that God had saved a wretch like himself. "We best remember John Newton by admiring the grace of God," Murray writes.

Like most adults, whether followers of Christ or not, I have moved on from my childhood heroes. I do pray regularly that my childhood hero, whom baseball pundits call "the hit king" for his 4,256 career base hits, will be subdued by the saving grace of the King of Kings and will become a living trophy to the greatness of sovereign mercy. Today, the men whom I most admire are not great by the world's definition of greatness; they and fathers and mothers and husbands and wives and soldiers and pastors and teachers and blue collar workers and authors who are willing to take up their crosses daily and follow Christ, whose selfless, courageous lives compel me to do likewise. That is the first distinguishing mark of a genuine hero.

Note: This occasional (meaning it will not run on consecutive days or in consecutive posts) five-part series will be published sporadically over the next couple of weeks. The remaining parts include: �

Part III: A hero is marked by Gospel-infused humility

Part IV: A hero is marked by God-glorifying selflessness and courage

Part V: A hero is marked by an unflinching commitment to God's Word.

Of Fatherhood and Heroes, Part I

Jeff Robinson — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 00:57:38 +0500

I could not tear my eyes off him. He wielded a 34-inch, 32-ounce Louisville Slugger and swing after swing produced base hits with Gatling-gun rapidity. Ground ball in the hole to left field and then to right. Line drive up the middle. Liner to right and then one to left. A switch hitter, he took a dozen swings from the left side then moved to the opposite side of the batter’s box, but the result was the same and that was, in part, why this 37-year-old man was my hero. Boy, could he ever hit.

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It was pre-game batting practice on a muggy Georgia afternoon in July of 1978 and my beloved Cincinnati Reds were loosening up for that day’s war against the swarming knuckle ball of Phil Niekro of the Atlanta Braves. �Hitting a knuckle ball is like trying to catch a butterfly barehanded in the dark, that prolific non-hitter Bob Uecker once said, but my hero, Pete Rose, was surely prepared to solve Mr. Niekro’s bread-and-butter pitch. After all, my hero was on a roll: he had hit safely in the previous 43 consecutive games and on this night, while a national television audience watched this growing drama, there we sat behind the third base dugout at old Fulton County Stadium along with 45,000 other fans, watching the man whom every Little League father in America told his son to emulate: Charlie Hustle. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts at hitting Niekro’s flutterball to a place where no defensive player stood, Rose, in typical Rose fashion, �grounded a single to right field in the sixth inning to push the streak to 44 games, tying him with 19^th century player Wee Willie Keeler (he was 5-foot-4) for the longest hitting streak in National League history. The next evening, 12 games away from one of baseball’s hallowed records—the 56-game hitting streak by Joe DiMaggio in 1941—my hero went 0-for-4, ending the streak.

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Why was Peter Edward Rose my childhood hero? For one thing, he had my father’s endorsement as a baseball player to be mimicked. He played every inning of every game as if paradise or perdition hinged upon who hustled most. Saying Pete Rose worked hard at baseball, got his uniform dirty frequently and desired to beat the opposing team is like saying death is one of life’s more sobering issues. And at 11 years old, baseball was mostly what was on my mind and in my heart. For me, it wasn’t a game so much as it was a religion. The National League was my denomination, the Reds my local congregation, Rose, regrettably, my bishop.

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Regrettably? Yes. Thirty-two years later, the public has learned some profoundly disturbing things about Pete Rose, the man. Granted, it was never Rose, the man, whom my father commended to me as a hero, only Rose the baseball hustler. But Rose, like all sons of Adam, proved later in life to be a hustler of a far more depraved sort—not the kind of man whom I want to commend to my boys as worthy of emulation. Play all-out, head-first on the ballfield? Sure, I’ll tell them that. Evade taxes, bet on baseball then lie for nearly two decades about it, become enslaved to gambling and surround yourself with shadowy figures who could have starred in The Godfather?� I want my boys to take Solomon’s advice in Proverbs 1-8 and remain far aloof from those deadly temptations.

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For me, Rose has long since lost his luster as a hero and has been replaced by men of real greatness, men who follow hard after the One “loved us and gave Himself for us.” But what about heroes? Should Christians have heroes and should fathers encourage their sons to emulate great men, their daughters great women? And what is our criterion for greatness? My degree says I am a historian by specialty and therefore, some of my present-day heroes are writers of history. One of them is Iain H. Murray, one of the finest writers of history in the evangelical world today. I love Dr. Murray because he is a churchman and writes like one. He writes as the hand of a holy and all powerful God is meticulously guiding every event and every person in to bring about His desired ends in history. His writing is clear, concise and compelling. He recently wrote a book that sparked my thinking on the issue under consideration, simply titled Heroes (Banner of Truth).� In the span of 300 pages, Murray examines the lives of several Christians and whom and through whom the grace of God has shown so brightly that they have been admired by �the generations who lived in their wake: Jonathan Edwards, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, John Newton, George Whitefield and several others.

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Over the next few days on Gender Blog I will examine the question of Christian heroes from a biblical standpoint and will offer some suggestions using the criteria that I am using to teach my sons and daughters about the kind of people who are worthy of a Christian’s admiration. I will also introduce some of the heroes from Dr. Murray’s book. Honesty compels me to admit that these posts are part of my own humble attempt to think through the issue as both a father and a Christian.

The Snare of Compare

Girl Talk — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 21:03:18 +0500

Our dear sisters over at Girl Talk late last spring concluded an excellent and insightful series on woman and envy in a series titled "The Snare of Compare." They have made the entire series available available in one downloadable PDF, the link for which is below.

Girl Talk is an excellent resource for women to compel them to biblical thinking on womanhood, femininity, motherhood and a host of issues related to the issues Christian woman face. The blog may be accessed here: http://www.girltalkhome.com/.�

The series on envy is available here:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/the-snare-of-compare1

The Playground of Your Mind

Katie McCoy — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 08:03:55 +0500

[Editor's note: The following post recently ran on Mary Kassian's blog, Girls Gone Wise]

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If you’ve ever had an imaginary boyfriend, a romantic fantasy with a celebrity or a mental vacation from your husband, you have struggled in your thought-life.�When it comes to inner purity, our thought-lives could be compared to a playground. One moment we climb the ladder toward victory and the next we’re nudged over the edge and can’t stop the downward spiral until we’ve fallen back where we started. The more confident we feel on the swing, the higher and higher we want to escape from keeping our feet on the ground. �The faster we spin the merry-go-round, the more distorted reality becomes.

While the struggle with lust takes a different form for women, it is far from being a male-only issue. �In the book, Sex is Not The Problem (Lust Is), Joshua Harris explains that “when a woman sees a seductive ad featuring a man, she might be tempted to fantasize about him, but odds are that this temptation will be rooted in a fantasy about a relationship with him, with physical pleasure being a subset of her craving for passionate affection and emotional intimacy.” (86) The same way that visual pornography is a distortion of God’s good design for male sexuality, fantasizing is a distortion of God’s good design for female sexuality.

Sexual desire itself is God-given and good. The difference between walking in purity and being dragged by your unfulfilled longings is not whether you have these desires, but what you do with them. “It’s not lust to have a strong desire for sex. A sexual thought that pops into your mind isn’t necessarily lust, but it can quickly become lust if it’s entertained and dwelled on,” (Harris). To lust is to stir up and dwell on a desire that cannot be righteously fulfilled. As John Piper defines it, “Lust is a sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.

Read the entire article here: http://www.girlsgonewise.com/archives/2564

A Gavel Falls on Marriage: The Proposition 8 Decision

R. Albert Mohler Jr. — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 21:27:58 +0500

[Editor's note: the following article was published today on R. Albert Mohler Jr.'s blog. It includes important insights into a California judge's ruling this week on Proposition 8, a ruling with seismic implications on gender, marriage, family and culture in the U.S.]

Yesterday, a very important gavel fell on marriage. The central institution of human civilization suffered a direct hit, and its future hangs in the balance.

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The importance of the decision handed down yesterday by U. S. District Judge Vaughn� R. Walker in California’s Proposition 8 trial will be difficult to exaggerate. Proponents of same-sex marriage immediately declared a major victory — and for good reason. The editorial board of The New York Times declared the verdict “an instant landmark in American legal history,” and so it is, even if later reversed upon appeal.

Judge Walker’s decision is sweeping and comprehensive, basically affirming every argument and claim put forth by those demanding that California’s Proposition 8 be declared unconstitutional. That proposition, affirmed by a clear majority of California voters, amended the state’s constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. In one brazen act of judicial energy, California’s voters were told that they had no right to define marriage, and thousands of years of human wisdom were discarded as irrational.

Even as the case is immediately appealed, the reality is that a Federal court has now declared that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry. Pressing beyond this verdict, Judge Walker also released a set of “findings” that include some of the most radical statements about marriage yet encountered.

Read the remainder at: http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/08/05/the-gavel-falls-on-marriage-the-proposition-8-decision/

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