Jani Ortlund is a mother, pastor's wife and former school teacher. She is also the author of Fearlessly Feminine: Boldly Living God's Plan for Womanhood. Gender Blog recently sat down and interviewed her on issues of femininity and biblical womanhood. Her husband, Ray Ortlund, Jr., is a noted pastor and author. The Ortlunds live in Nashville, where Ray serves as pastor of Immanuel Church.

Gender Blog: How would encourage mothers to teach biblical femininity to their daughters? How about mothers who have daughters who are at different stages (young children or about to graduate from high school)?

Jani Ortlund: The main thing is for a mother to enjoy their own femininity. I think it's something that we feel. If a dad expressed to his son how much he hates leaving home every day and going to work, how much he dislikes having to be out there earning money and how much he dislikes coming home and leading the family, the son would pick up on that. It's the same way with a daughter. It is also good for sons to see a mother who enjoys being a woman, who embraces it, who says, "God made me a woman and I get to be your mother and I am so thrilled. I get to be with you here every day and see you grown and develop, learning to speak and walk...I am so glad that I am the one who gets to make a home for you to come home to after you've been at school or after we've done our lessons, if you're a homeschooler." That almost inarticulate joy in doing what God has called you to do helps children to relax. They sense that mommy is happy and she is happy for a reason. That doesn't mean that you don't get exhausted. I had four little children under the age of seven and it was exhausting. One of the ways that a mother can communicate this to her daughter is living in joy, accepting from God His role for us as women and making the most of it because it is so great. We get to be the ones that are there day to day with our little ones. We get to be the ones that make a home for them, teaching them about God—building a home that says "God's Word will reign here. We will be kind to one another, we will not lie, we will honor each other's possessions, we will be life givers to each other, we will honor the Sabbath day—Sunday will be a special day here." It is the mother who often sets that tone with guidance, support and encouragement from daddy. But as a daughter grows up seeing her mother do that, she absorbs that joy, and that joy I believe most often becomes her own.

GB: How would you encourage single women, maybe those who hope to be married someday, to embrace femininity in their current stage of life?

Ortlund: I would encourage them to keep going back to God, who made them women and who understands their desire to want to be married. It is a godly desire to want to be married. I think the reason women want to be married is they want to create something; it is very God-like to create something. We want to create a home, a family, we want to build something. That is very much like God...But just as it is wrong for a married women to place all her hope and desire in something, be it a different husband, successful children, money, whatever, it is also wrong for a single woman to place all her hope and rest—her soul's satisfaction—in finding a mate. Psalm 62:1 says, "My soul finds rest in God alone." And that's true whether you are single or married...I think a single woman fulfills her call to be feminine in the same way as does a married woman: coming to God and saying, "God, you made me a woman and you have a purpose for me as a woman. This time in this day into which you have placed me, help me to fulfill it. Maybe it will be to support myself; help me to be feminine as I support myself; maybe I'll be single until I see you face to face, help me to be the most feminine single woman until I see you. Help me to embrace what it means to be a woman, single or married." Marriage doesn't define our femininity, God does. We can still receive, affirm and nurture as single women.

Come back tomorrow for the final installment of this interview with Mrs. Ortlund.

 Jani Ortlund is a mother, pastor's wife and former school teacher. She is also the author of Fearlessly Feminine: Boldly Living God's Plan for Womanhood. Gender Blog recently sat down and interviewed her on issues of femininity and biblical womanhood. Her husband, Ray Ortlund, Jr., is a noted pastor and author. The Ortlunds live in Nashville, where Ray serves as pastor of Immanuel Church.

Gender Blog: What led you to write your book, Fearlessly Feminine?

Jani Ortlund: My love for women and my concern for when we were headed in those days-and that was in the late-90s. My daughter was reaching adulthood and my three sons were looking for women to marry. I was concerned that women were losing their way as women; they weren't appreciating femininity, they weren't enjoying that God had made them a woman and they were fighting for things that might be wasted energy. We only have so much energy—physical, spiritual, emotional energy—why not devote them to the things God calls us to do as women? I also wrote it for myself because I tend to be a little bit fearful. When I come up against a barricade my first response is not always faith and saying, "Wow, now I get to see what God will get to do in a situation." Oftentimes, it's, "Oh no, not now." I found myself fearful about different things and I think women do struggle with fear, yet femininity calls us not to. It calls us to be brave, courageous, strong, wise, embracing all that God has for us as women.

GB: How would you define femininity?

Ortlund: Femininity and masculinity lie at the very core of humanity. God created us male and female, so if I don't understand the difference, it is very hard for me to embrace my own uniqueness. John Piper really helps me with this. He says this: At the heart of true femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships. I take those three words—affirming, receiving and nurturing—as the core of femininity. I affirm those around me. I receive leadership willingly, lovingly, joyfully. I receive others into my sphere, into my home and then I nurture them. From conception all the way through life, we as women are to be nurturers. So that to me is at the core of femininity. Beyond that, throughout all of Scripture, God paints for us a picture of what a woman looks like. From Eve all the way through the book of Revelation, we see women and he says, "This is the kind of woman I honor and lift up and this is the kind of woman I discipline"' I want to be on the honoring side, so I look to Scripture for that.

GB: How does fear play into living out womanhood for a single woman?

Ortlund: It's really strange. We fear being single and we fear being married. We fear infertility and then we fear child birth. We fear having a baby, but then fear them growing older into teenage years. Then we fear widowhood and then we fear living forever with this man. We fear financial insecurity, but we fear going out into the marketplace and earning money. Our lives are full of fear and I really think it eats at the core of our relationship to God. We find it almost threatening to our femininity to trust God. Think of Eve. The very first conversation there in the Garden of Eden where Satan sits on her shoulder and says, "Did God really say?" and he calls all of God's words into question and that's where our fears start: "Did God really say?" I can tell you that I trust in God, that He is sovereign, that He is all-powerful, but when I lay my head down on the pillow at night, if my last thought is, "How am I going to pay that bill tomorrow?" then I am not really trusting Him at the heart level. It's just a head-knowledge. That's why the subtitle of my book is "Boldly embracing God's Plan for Us." It's more than just head knowledge. That fear starts in the heart, where we are wondering, Will I be protected? Will I be cared for? Can I make it? Is it worth it? What does it mean to be a woman? Can I truly take Scripture at face value and look at these real words, words like sin, redemption, submit, respect, obey, all of those words, can I look them square in the face and ask, "How do they apply to me as a woman?" and can I embrace that? Or do I say, "No, it's too scary." Fear is a huge thing in the lives of women, because as women, we are often in vulnerable positions. It's the man who is to be the leader, even in the area of dating for younger women. We want to be called on the phone, we want to be asked out, we want to be pursued. In marriage, we want our husband to lead us. We don't want to take the leadership and have him stay at home and have him fix the meals and we go out to be the big earner. Generally speaking, we don't want to and I don't think the Bible holds that up as a worthy model. So, in a way, we have to wait and be patient. It's in that waiting and patience for godly male leadership—for us to affirm and receive and nurture—it's in that waiting that we get kind of scared.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the interview on Monday.

The greeting card features two male torsos in tuxedos. The message is clear—Hallmark is ready to join the celebration of same-sex marriage. According to the Associated Press, America's most prominent greeting card producer decided to roll out a line of same-sex greetings after the California Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in May. The company had released a line of "coming out" cards last year.

As the Associated Press reports:

The language inside the cards is neutral, with no mention of wedding or marriage, making them also suitable for a commitment ceremony. Hallmark says the move is a response to consumer demand, not any political pressure.

"It's our goal to be as relevant as possible to as many people as we can," Hallmark spokeswoman Sarah Gronberg Kolell said.

The fact that Hallmark has decided to publish the cards is in some ways less interesting than that statement from the company's spokeswoman. When Sarah Gronberg Kolell asserts that Hallmark wants "to be as relevant as possible to as many people as we can" she clearly intends, even now, for the public to read certain limitations on that goal.

We can safely assume that the company is not to release a line of cards intended to celebrate polygamous marriages. There has been no shortage of media attention to these polygamous unions, but don't look for a new card picturing a man in a tuxedo surrounded by women in bridal gowns.

No, the decision to market the same-sex marriage celebration cards reveals some tipping point in the culture. The normalization of homosexuality and homosexual unions is significantly enhanced when a company like Hallmark joins the revolution.

"The fact that you have someone like Hallmark going into that niche shows it's growing and signals a trend," remarked Barbara Miller, a spokeswoman for the Greeting Card Association.

But same-sex marriage is not the only trend of note in this regard. Some greeting card companies now offer lines of cards announcing and celebrating divorce. Selected card lines for heterosexual couples are designed to cover both the married and the cohabitating. One company recently released a series of Valentines greetings for adulterous partners.

Historians are not likely to look to our greeting cards as the most important documentation of these times, but they are hardly irrelevant. These cards underline what this society has decided to celebrate, allow, and announce. Hallmark is sending America a message with the release of these same-sex marriage cards. Perhaps it is high time to send a message back.

Later manhood: In accordance with Genesis 2:24, a young man seeks a wife, and then seeks to build a family, believing firmly and counter-culturally (in many instances) that children, and, if possible, many of them, are a blessing from the Lord, a "reward from Him" (Psalm 127:3).  Though couples may take a little time to develop healthy marriages, children should not be avoided as an obstacle but should be pursued, though such a decision may make life tougher than it otherwise would be.  In order to honor the Lord by filling his quiver, the man must take the burden of provision for the family squarely upon his shoulders. Though this may be difficult at times, he is doing what he is called to do (see 1 Tim. 5:8 and Titus 2 for starters). If he has to work two jobs, or pull a night shift, or miss out on sports, or read less books, or make less friends, that is fine. His life is hard, but it is more importantly well-pleasing to the Lord.

The man leads his wife in worshiping the Lord. Some men will have more to say than others, but all men can read the Bible with their wives, pray with them, and talk with them about the Bible's teaching and application to life. Men who do not have a great deal of confidence in their scriptural knowledge can consult their pastors or elders for books to work through with their wives. In the same vein, men will seek to disciple their children when of sufficient age. The man will set an excellent tone for church involvement and attendance and will serve the church joyfully in whatever ways he can. He should exhibit a palpable excitement over the things of the Lord, should evangelize when possible (and train his children to do so), and should exude strong Christian character in conformity with the image of Christ.

The man will also seek to be a contributing member of society, being a righteous, helpful presence in his community, his neighborhood, his children's schools (if they go to schools), their sports teams, and other activities. He may struggle to be as involved as his wife, for he may have to work hard and long to provide for his family, but he will do so knowing that he is freeing up his wife to serve and care for her children, her home, and her church.  The man must constantly remind himself of the fact that in shaping the lives of his children for the glory of God, he is doing something far, far more significant than mere entertainment or pastimes can provide. He is building a family, leaving a legacy for his Lord, entering into intense spiritual and physical and emotional work, bypassing the mere momentary things of this world in pursuit of something greater.

Singleness: As we know from 1 Corinthians 7, singleness is by no means a substandard calling. It is a high calling. The blueprint I've sketched out captures what most men are called to do-to marry and have a family. For men called to singleness, however, the aspects of manhood that relate to marriage and family in this blueprint will not apply (though many others will!). Single Christian men have a unique and wonderful opportunity to care less about the things of this world, by which I mean things not related to marriage and family. In particular, single Christian men can, I would argue by way of 1 Corinthians 7, spend great amounts of time discipling young Christians, evangelizing unbelievers, and serving their churches. This is an awesome responsibility, and it will involve a great deal of effort and energy and labor. There may be lonely times, but the single Christian man, if he embraces the biblical vision of singlehood and not the cultural one, can very much be a man for others.

Conclusion: I have attempted to use the application of certain biblical teachings, wisdom, and the counsel of the church in offering a humble little sketch of Christian manhood.  All Christians—and all people—will, whether they realize it or not, provide such a blueprint.  Even the absence of a blueprint for manhood is itself a blueprint, after all.  Whatever one comes up with, though, the key idea here is this: whether singleness or marriage is his calling, a man is to live for others. He is to embrace responsibility, to stand as a spiritual tower, and to point all around him to the gospel. As he lives for Christ, the ultimate Other, he will naturally bring grace and goodness to all around him, making him a man who truly lives not for himself, but for others, to the greater glory of God.

Adolescence: Here fathers are working with meticulous, sustained attention to model a vibrant Christian life for their sons that points their boys away from the tempting things of the world and toward the goodness of the person of Jesus Christ. This is a tough stage, as we all know (see Proverbs 2). The world calls loudly to young men, and I would wonder if this particular era is not especially tough for would-be Christian young men. It is essential that dads stay close to their sons in this period and give them regular guidance about this and other matters. Dads need to help their sons develop their natural gifts and not try to fit them into a certain mold.  If the Lord has given a boy the gift of music, help him develop it. If he likes to write, develop that talent. If he loves the outdoors and working with his hands, then dive into projects together. Stay close to your son in a manner that communicates both authority and love.  Both are essential.  Love is not alien to masculinity.  The failure to provide either love or authority deprives a boy of exactly half of what he needs.

Fathers need to teach their son that his gifts and abilities come directly from the Lord. They must also teach their boy to love his mother without shame, even as other boys disrespect theirs. If one's son has siblings, it is imperative for leadership development that the boy learns not to beat them up, lord over them, or ignore them, but to care for them and be an example for them. Fathers should also train their boy to actively use his strength and ability and gifting for the betterment of others. Many boys do the opposite.  They live for themselves, they could give a rip about the betterment of their siblings, they mistreat their mom, and they mainly want to gratify their interests and desires. If this model has small consequences in the home, rest assured that it will have great consequences beyond it. 

How fractured the world is; how shattered by grave sins of a selfish nature.  Whether it is popular to say or not, men lead the way in inflicting destruction.  It is not that men sin more than women, necessarily, but that they often do so with greater strength and passion, whether they shoot up schools, abuse their children, make explosive devices, leave their wives and children in the lurch in order to quench lust, or any number of other destructive acts that wreak havoc on those they are called to lead and care for.  If we would see homes repaired, and churches flourishing, and societies thriving, we could do no better than to target young men of all kinds with the gospel and a biblical vision of manhood that excitingly calls men to the cosmic purpose of their lives: to live as leaders for the good of others and, most importantly, the greater glory of God.

Manhood: In this phase of life, the boy becomes a man. He often will go to some form of college and learn a body of knowledge or a trade. In this season, the boy should know very clearly that he's not released from his parents to play around and waste time and money. He is now a (mostly independent) agent for good in the world. He should train himself, under the Lordship of Christ and the influence of men in his local church, to live as a righteous man in the world, to help others, to be a Christian witness, and to use all of his gifts and abilities for God's glory (the book of Proverbs has much to say on all this). He should learn what it means to provide through personal experience and should save substantial amounts of money whenever possible in order to bless his church and future family (Proverbs 21:20).

Young men need to pursue purity with zeal and involve themselves deeply in a local church, where they should serve in whatever capacity their gifts allow them.  As in his high school years, he should avoid much dating, though he should spend time in mixed groups with light supervision, learning to interact well with the other sex, hold a conversation, and treat a girl with respect and kindness. When a man identifies a girl who could be his wife, he ought to take much counsel on the matter and, if all checks out, approach her parents and then gently pursue her heart, fulfilling Genesis 2:24. Godly Christian men do not play with women's hearts by flirting with them and leading them on. They only indicate interest when ready for potentially serious commitment, though they should generally show kindness to any number of girls with whom they are acquainted.  Boys who do indicate interest should be extremely careful about physical touch and kissing and emotional connection with their potential love.  Self-control is essential in a time when emotions run hot.