Getting to the Heart of Manhood and Womanhood: A Review of John Ensor, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart. Wheaton: Crossway Books, 2007.

Accessible to a wide-ranging audience, John Ensor's Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart is an excellent discipleship resource for those seeking a better understanding of God's intention for marriage. Written from a complementarian perspective, Ensor argues that men and women perform distinctive roles within the marital relationship. When these roles are carried out correctly, it "is a welcomed sight in which both partners are fulfilled in themselves and delighted in the other" (89). With that in mind, he outlines the principles by which single men and women can develop and nurture godly relationships in preparation for marriage.

This important volume contains fifteen chapters and is broken into two major sections. In section one, some of the most important matters of the book are covered. Ensor challenges the modern approach to dating and courtship by showing that it is ultimately destructive. As he explains, in relationships it is now assumed that "sex is the heart of the matter, rather than the heart being the heart of the matter" (25). With all modesty and restraint removed, the dating process is about "repeating the bonding and tearing process till you get a hit" (25). This, according to Ensor, is harmful to both males and females since it is contrary to the way we were designed to function. Ensor then turns to consider what is lacking in the modern approach to dating and marriage. Though he mentions several important things (customs, examples, etc.), he spends most of his time dealing with the need to make God the center of our lives and relationships. Without this, men and women will never be truly satisfied and will look to each other to fill voids that no man is able to fill on his own. Thus, relationships are strained by burdens that they were never designed to carry. With God at the center, however, men and women find their greatest satisfaction and are also given a compass by which to guide all other aspects of their lives. Ensor closes this section by making a case for a complementarian approach to marriage. By looking carefully at Genesis 1-2, Ensor highlights the equality of the genders while at the same time showing how God has given special leadership to Adam. He strengthens his case by showing that a complementarian view of marriage is not only biblical, but is also "rooted in nature" (74).

Although many of the most essential issues are covered in section one, section two is also highly important since it offers a glimpse of how a complementary relationship is supposed to work. Among other things, Ensor addresses the issue of male leadership when it comes to matters such as dating, tough marital decisions, parental discipline, sacrifice, and employment. This section is filled with lessons and warnings for men and women as they consider their future or present roles of husband and wife, father and mother. In short, this section gives a practical application for men and women on how to apply all that is set forth in the first section.

If the book has any weaknesses they are certainly minor in nature. Ensor employs a straightforward style that is effective in getting his point across, but may at times come across as harsh or even crude. Furthermore, throughout the book, Ensor's use of subheadings can be distracting and cause the book to read in a choppy fashion that lacks cohesion. And, though illustrative from time to time, his use of Shakespeare (and other famous people) seems to be forced in some places, which distracts from his overall flow of thought.

These minor criticisms aside, one finds that the positive aspects of this book far outweigh the negatives. To begin with, the book is immensely relevant for a wide-ranging audience. For the unmarried (no matter what age), Ensor's call to renewing sexual purity and patience prior to marriage is necessary for avoiding the heartaches and troubles associated with the sexual promiscuity of the current generation. On the other hand, this book is relevant for married couples in that it calls special attention to the dangers of one or both partners failing in their respective duties within the family. For example, when men fail to be the husbands they are called to be, Ensor reminds them that their "marriage is doomed, and God will hold the men to account for the murder of it" (82). Or, to mothers who sacrifice their children for the sake of a career, Ensor warns that "latch-key kids... are in serious danger. Sex, drugs, and alcohol are hunting for our youth, and the feeding hours are three to six o'clock in the afternoon. The mother who is not there to protect them is risking her children to these predators" (154).

In addition to being highly relevant for men and women of all ages, Ensor's book is well argued. Writing with a God-centered focus, he consistently looks to Scripture as the guide and model for the issues in question. Here one finds that Ensor handles key texts of the Bible in a straight forward and balanced fashion that allows the Bible to say what it actually says. At the same time, however, Ensor is careful to show that the Bible does not support some of the unacceptable stereotypes of men that are often put forward by feminists (i.e., male dominance or male superiority). Likewise, Ensor underscores the need for both husbands and wives to give continuous effort to their marriages since the task of two becoming one flesh is never easy. Indeed, Ensor avoids giving the false impression that a complementary relationship happens without sacrifice and hard work. He does, however, make it very clear that the blessings of this approach are worth it. Finally, Ensor's appeal to common sense and plain reason is quite persuasive. With countless examples and illustrations, he shows that protecting purity and living with integrity is always the best course of action, both before and after marriage.

As a husband and father, I find this book to be enormously beneficial. It confirms convictions that are already present and challenges me in some new ways as well. As a pastor, reading this book makes me want to buy a copy for every member of my church-single and married. It is concise, accessible, and relevant enough to be read by almost any male or female exploring, or living in, a marital relationship. The book is ideal for teenagers who are curious about the opposite sex, couples engaged to be married, or couples who have been married for many years. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart has something to say to everyone.