Teaching Biblical Manhood and Womanhood to Teens

It takes four years of college, another four years of graduate school and three years of residency to become a physician. It takes only twenty minutes to become a married man or woman! Is there anything wrong with this picture?

A growing number of Christian leaders across America think there's quite a lot wrong with that picture. And the leadership of Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas is doing something about changing it.

Citing researchers at Brandeis, UCLA and Whittier College, FBC leaders believe that college age couples who hold complementarian views about gender roles are much more likely to make enduring marriages than couples who subscribe to egalitarian precepts. And so, they believe there is a need for people to correctly understand gender roles within marriage at a much earlier stage of life, long before engaged couples seek out pre-marital advice.

Presently there are two problems which make this task difficult. First, people in general do not have a biblical understanding of the roles of men and women. For instance, they wrongly assume that the "traditional" family (i.e. the TV families of the fifties, the Andersons, the Cleavers, the Nelsons) was a biblical one. Thus, terms like "head" and "submission" remain largely misunderstood.

In an effort to clear up this misunderstanding and overcome the first problem, Robert Lewis, teaching pastor at FBC, and co-author William Hendricks have sought to develop God's master plan for gender roles in marriage in a recent book, Rocking the Roles (NavPress).

Secondly, it is difficult to empower young people in this area because so many wrongly assume that students want to talk about male and female differences, sex and sexuality, etc., in only humorous or entertaining ways. Youth workers and well-meaning adults too often "dumb-down," rather than challenge kids to rise to attainable and meaningful expectations. The truth is, as one Christian artist put it, kids are sick of "sex talks." They want something more than answers; they want to know what the questions are.

With this in mind, Mark DeYmaz, FBC Student Ministries leader has developed an 8-week course and workbook for students based on Lewis and Hendricks' Rocking the Roles. It is a required study for all tenth graders moving through FBC's Sunday morning educational program.

According to DeYmaz, "Tenth grade seems to be a perfect age for this study. Our students are just getting their freedom, with a license to drive, and thus about to start single dating. As they do, we want them not only to understand men and women from God's perspective, but we want to give them a vision for responding to one another's needs in a mutually respectful and beneficial way. In other words, we want them to practice with purpose their roles as godly men and women in preparation for marriage."

What has been the response? Students each year give the Rocking the Roles course the highest marks. It is by far the most anticipated and well liked course among students. Bob Lepine, who has taught the course for two years at FBC, comments,

It is interesting to watch the shift in their understanding over eight or nine weeks. Generally, the kids come into the course with an egalitarian view of marriage already in place, though they haven't really given it any serious thought. They simply observe the culture (the career-minded woman, the passive male, etc.) and assume that's the way it will be for them. As they discover biblical concepts of servant-leadership and of the helper-lover, they realize an innate sense of calling within them that lets them know ‘this is right!' As the girls leave the course, they raise the ante a bit by forming higher standards for and expectations of the guys they would get involved with. Soon, the guys clue in and realize, ‘I'd better step up!' And they are.

Word of mouth is quickly bringing other youth pastors and workers to see the value of this early training in roles in marriage. Both the book and student workbook are selling quickly.