For Those Who Hate Feminists—And Those Who Don’t

On December 8, 1989 a clean-shaven man in his early 20's walked into the faculty of engineering at the University of Montreal, Canada. He wandered about the hallways of the structure for quite some time-dark eyes searching, analyzing, scrutinizing -and finally chose a crowded classroom on the second floor. Calmly, and with resolve he entered and commanded the male students to move away from the females. When they hesitated, he methodically separated them with the nub of his semiautomatic rifle and ordered the men out of the room. Confusion exploded into terror as the execution began. "You are all feminists!" the young man screamed. Those were the last words those female engineering students ever heard. In the wake of one man's fury against feminism, fourteen women were killed and numerous others critically injured.

Marc Lepine hated feminists. But the media informed citizens that his actions gave credence to the very system of ideology which he had so brutally attacked. The slaughter was simply an extremist enactment of society's attitude towards women. As one journalist argued, "A madman took to demented extremes a battle against the more vulnerable sex which is enacted daily without gunfire on so many fields across this country."

The journalist was right. A battle is raging across the nations. It is a spiritual battle. And although the battle is not isolated to role relationships between men and women, much of it does take place on that front. Those of us who have experienced the goodness of God's plan for malefemale relationships must be careful not minimize or trivialize its severity. Countless women experience extreme pain and suffering from the hands of the very men who ought to guard and protect them. It is real. It is damaging. And from my perspective, it is increasing in violence and intensity.

My personal experience

I have been extremely fortunate to have had good men in my life. My grandfather, father, brothers, husband, and male friends have all blessed me in both action and word. But consider the woman who has been molested by her grandfather, ignored by her father, sexually derided by her brother, slapped by her husband and ridiculed by her male friends. She reacts to the wounding by adopting a feminist and/or egalitarian philosophy which assures her of her worth and value as a woman. And no wonder!

To be sure, such a woman needs truth. But most often, she needs healing of her pain before she is able to respond to truth.

A story of a changed life

I am reminded of Sandra-a friend I met in University. Sandra was studying to be a medical doctor. When I met her, she was contemplating becoming a Christian, but was struggling with how to reconcile Christianity with her feminist world-view. Sandra did give her life to Christ, but continued to hold on to feminist beliefs. She even forced her future husband to sign a contract agreeing to stay home half-time should they have children.

That was almost fifteen years ago. Today Sandra is a different woman. She is at home with her three children and is delighting in being a wife and a mother. She is increasingly joyful and at peace with submitting to her husband and supporting and encouraging him in leadership in their home and in the church.

Why the change? Two reasons. First, Sandra's husband is a godly man who loves and blesses her as a woman. Over the years-as she experienced his love-she began to believe in the goodness of God's pattern. Second, Sandra was willing to face her woundedness, repent of bitterness and unforgiveness, and release her pain to Jesus. She has received significant healing from the assault on her personhood as a woman. And as she has been healed, her heart has grown softer and more eager to obey God's Word.

Sandra and I have often talked about the theological rationale and Scriptural directives regarding biblical manhood and womanhood. But as persuasive as I would like to think my arguments were, I doubt whether they played much of a role in changing her heart. No. It was the Spirit of God, the faithful love of a good man, and her willingness to forgive those who had wounded her that made the difference.

I loved Sandra when she was a feminist just as I love her now. I was grieved by the wounding of her spirit and by the cords of anger, bitterness and self-sufficiency she had wrapped herself in. So understand this: It was the desire for freedom and wholeness for Sandra and not the desire for theological perfection that motivated my desire to see Sandra turn to truth. For truth is not an end in and of itself, but rather the means to see and know Jesus fully-and in knowing Him fully to be set fully free.

So let me relate my experience with Sandra to the University of Montreal tragedy.

If the truth be told, there are complementarians who hate feminists. And just like Mark Lepine, they would injure, wound, and kill the spirits-if not the bodies-of those women who adhere to feminist philosophy. Marc Lepine's calculated and brutal attack did nothing to convince his audience of the evils of feminism. On he contrary, many turned to feminism to understand and come to terms with his senseless violence.

The call for compassion

In the same way, I believe that some Christians turn to egalitarianism because of complimentarians who bombard them with intellectual arguments whilst being filled with hatred or simply lacking in compassion toward women. Of this, we must repent.

As an executive member of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood I believe that theological integrity and careful reasoning are important in setting for the biblical model for the roles of men and women. But just as important is our compassion for the wounded and our desire to see them walk in wholeness and freedom.

Therefore, while we provide you with materials that carefully and logically explain the biblical position, I would humbly ask that God provide you with a heart of compassion and grace towards those who have been deceived by feminist philosophy. Most feminists will not be persuaded by theological finesse or expertise. Theirs is a wounding of the heart and their minds will only be set aright as their hearts are healed.

So as the sixth anniversary of the Montreal slaying approaches, let us remember all the women who were senselessly murdered and wounded because of Marc Lepine's hatred. Let us remember that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. And above all, let us remember to love and pray for all the Sandras.