True Male Friendship: Part I

[Dustin Benge is a blogger and a student at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  This is the first of a two-part Gender Blog series on friendship for men. — David Kotter] 

Brothers, let us consider male friendship in our thoughts. Not the friendship of mere acquaintance and seldom fellowship, but the friendship of another kind. A friendship that causes the two involved to be open and venerable toward one another. A friendship that places the others needs over and above self. A friendship that creates a bond of fellowship that cannot be broken with any weapon that can be crafted upon this earth. A friendship that loves, forgives, helps, strengthens, and encourages.

The discipline involved in the cultivation of a true male friendship is unparalleled in any other venture besides marriage. It is difficult and hard to be a true friend — it takes work and strenuous labor to cultivate such a relationship. The act of friendship must be a mutual consensus between two individuals for heartfelt fellowship and devotion toward one another. "Friendship," John Adams has written to his classmate and cousin, Nathan Webb, "Is one of the distinguishing glory's of man... From this I expect to receive the chief happiness of my future life." Yes, when friendship is tended too, when it is fed with happiness, fellowship, devotion and meaningful conversation it becomes an overarching happiness in the realm of Christian piety and love.

The great travesty of our time is the lack of male friendship between Christian brothers. There is an "alone" mentality and the sense of needing no one else. These male bonds of yesteryear have been broken by a competition mindset. Jealousy has invaded the lives of many pastors causing them to shrink from the duty of befriending and training younger ministers of the gospel. The desire for prestige within certain Christian circles has caused many male bonds to be severed.

However, the role of another male friend is unique and cannot be matched by any other relationship. Society sees true male Christian friendship as something foreign. Camaraderie between male friends has been looked upon with suspicion of homosexuality. My brothers, this is a travesty of our time! What happened to male friends who sat and discussed great books until the early hours of morning? What happened to male friends enjoying Godly conversation over a cup of good coffee? What happened to male friends, together, making a difference in the course of history?  

It was Christ Himself demonstrating the evidence of true friendship when he "lay down His life for His friends" (John 15:13). May we continue, brothers, to cultivate and fed the camaraderie of our male friendships to become as David and Jonathan.