Thoughts on Motherhood

One month into my journey as a mother, I'm loving and appreciating this new role more than I ever thought possible. I'm also more overwhelmed than I ever thought possible. It certainly is a learning game—I would describe it as starting a new career where you have to learn to do everything the job requires without very much (or mixed) instruction. You obviously can't learn a new job all at once—it takes a while, and you learn things bit by bit. Here are a few things I have learned, or have been surprised to discover:

1. I do not mind late night feedings. My precious Susan is so wonderful to spend that sweet time with! I do love it that she needs me, and that it's just her and me at that time. When I look at that precious life who depends on me completely, it reminds me how frail we are as humans, and how dependant we are on the Lord for life and breath and everything.  I think I value life so intensely because I have recently witnessed some suffering and death.  My mother passed away 3 months ago, after a severe stroke, and 2 weeks in a coma.  I saw her frail body slowly give way to death, and though I rejoiced for her to be with her Savior, my perspective on life has changed forever.

2. God's design for motherhood is amazing. I am continually surprised by the instincts that have kicked in—in just a matter of days.  Nursing a baby, soothing a baby, understanding her cries:  all things I did not know how to do just weeks ago! I have never been a huge baby person, and everyone assured me it would be different when it was MY baby. They were right! I am humbled to see the way God has designed me—to be a mother.

3. We're taking one day at a time. . . well, it's more like one feeding or nap at a time. It's really true that each family has to figure out what works for THEIR child, and their lives together! My sister-in-law had a baby just 2 days after I had Susie, but he stayed in the NICU for 2 more weeks, and underwent extensive testing and brain surgery.  Knowing the struggle that baby and his family were enduring, and the grace and faith the Lord has provided for all they faced, has helped me to embrace even the harder times of the day.  I know the Lord will give grace to me when I need it.  I also appreciate every little routine activity that we go through—feeding, wake time, naps. What a joy to discover that everyday activities are special and valuable time.

4. The Lord answers the prayer of His child when she prays for wisdom. I had some fears about how much the baby was eating, and one evening I just broke down and was crying harder than she was. Hormones, grieving for my mom, and sleep-deprivation played into these tears, but as I calmed down, I asked the Lord to give me wisdom—or show me a good source for wisdom. He graciously provided my cousin Corrie to give me some input on nursing, and several other encouraging people (including my kind husband!) to help me navigate those rocky days. James does say that if we lack wisdom, to ask God for it! THANK goodness!

5. Josh and I are like kids at Christmas with that cute baby! I love sharing the fun with him. We both think she is utterly adorable, and that she already has a fun personality. We're grabbing the camera every 2 seconds—I see now why there are only 2 million MORE pictures of my older brother than there are of me. 2 adults with one baby to watch—that means there is always one set of hands to be snapping away.  What a precious treasure!  Thank you Jesus!