She Does Him Good (Even Before She Meets Him), Part I

A few years ago I read Carolyn McCulley’s book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? and thoroughly enjoyed it and was convicted by it. God used that book powerfully in my life and heart. These are my thoughts as I have continued to reflect on Proverbs 31.12 “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” The past few weeks these have been in the forefront of my mind and I hope to spell out very practical, yet biblical ideas that we as women can pursue while we are in a period of waiting (no matter how long we wait). I never thought I would be inching close to 34 and still be single. My Mom always thought I would be married before she was (at 27). Well, God has some great big plans that so far has not included a wedding ring for me. But – He has allowed me to follow Him through some amazing things: mission trips, seeing the world, 3 moves to three states, incredible ministry with college students, working at two great seminaries, speaking to women all over the Southeast, and now working at an amazing church in my favorite area in the country. God is incredibly gracious to me. So…are you ready?

1. Idleness.

I put this first because I think it is the one I struggle with the most. Yes, I multitask (as most women are pretty good at this), but do I multitask at what I should be multitasking? I can watch TV, wash the dishes, and read my Google Feeds at the same time – but is there something I could be doing in that time that would be more constructive. A former boss of mine said that often we do the easy things first just because we are putting off doing the hard things.
Many women in my life epitomize a lack of idleness. I watch them and find it hard to believe that have any energy at all? I want to “work with willing hands”, “rise while it is yet night”, “she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Prov 31.13, 15, 27).
Idleness is defined as not occupied, lacking worth or basis. Is this how you want your life to be defined? I am not saying you need to be out of the home 6 nights a week to not be idle. Actually, almost the opposite would be true. As single women we have such a great opportunity and time to open our home to others and participate in ministry. Let’s take advantage of that!

2. Integrity.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her.” (Prov 31.11). Well, Kim, I’m not married. This is why we are practicing these things now. The wedding band is not a magical circle that once it slips on your ring finger it makes you all of these things mentioned in Prov 31. Integrity is Psalm 101.2 says, “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house.” Are you a person of your word? Do you keep your commitments? Can people trust you? Are you the same woman in your bedroom as you are when you are at work or at church? Do you model a life of integrity to non-believers?

3. Faithfulness.

Prov 31.12: “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. Not just once we get married or find that special guy. ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. This is key to this verse. We need to intent on living now. We need to watch our relationships with men who are not our husbands, every word and act and deed and touch be seen in light of “this man is my brother in Christ”. This is probably the part of my heart that I struggle with the most in relationships: trust in men. How will I keep one man satisfied for the rest of my life? Will my husband fail me? You know, the only thing I can do about that is be obedient to my loving heavenly Father, be faithful to what He has called me, and not put my final hope and trust in Man. Psalm 20.7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” This practicing of faithfulness, starts now. In the little things. In the big things. In every thing.

Friday: Recommendations 4-8. This three-part series will conclude on Monday.