Raising boys: A pep talk on The Talk

A few weeks ago, Gender Blog published a post giving the details of an excellent new book about raising sons titled Time for The Talk: Leading Your Son Into True Manhood (Shepherd Press) by Steve Zollos. At that time, I promised an occasional series of posts using excerpts from that book and today's post begins that series.

As both a father and a son of a father, I know all too well how awkward and weird "The Talk" about "the facts of life" can be; my own father grimaced and blushed through a very brief monologue on this topic when I turned 16, a talk I remember more for the humor I found in his discomfort level and fumbling words than for pertinent information. Dad was a member of the World War II generation, and they really didn't talk about such things, but my father gave the old "college try." I am my father's son and thus, I need to be reminded that "The Talk" is part of training my two sons in righteousness, a critical part of training them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord Jesus Christ, a part I must get right according to the Scriptures. Below is an excerpt from the introductory chapter of Time for The Talk. Let it serve as a beginning to theis conversation and let is serve as a pep talk for skittish fathers who desire to lay aside artificial scruples and teach their sons the true meaning of manhood:

"As fathers, we are tempted to abdicate our responsibility in this area. We get lazy and take the easy way out: we lie to ourselves. We think, ‘My boy knows these things. He's not ignorant. He's a good kid. He'll do fine. As a result, we deliver a useless little talk or skip it completely.  The truth is that your son doesn't know as he ought to know, and in this area he is ignorant. He was born ignorant, and nothing in society can properly fix that. No random bits of information about sex; no value-neutral program of sex education; no myths or urban legends; no sensual movies or glimpses of pornography; not even actual sexual contact can truly teach a boy about what it means to be a man.

Yes, many boys do understand a few things about sexuality and manhood-in a vague, hazy sort of way, but that's not nearly good enough. In fact, incomplete or inaccurate information can be more harmful than no information at all! It's true that a boy can navigate through the changes and perils of growing up without the advantage of a father's godly leadership. It happens all the time, but it's a poor Plan B. Just look at all the lost young men in today's world who had to try to find their own way. Now imagine if their fathers had really walked beside them with loving wisdom during their teen years. Many of them would certainly be very different today.

 Until you have had The Talk with your son, in the way it ought to be done, most of what he thinks he knows about becoming a man will have been picked up from friends, movies, television, the internet, his own feelings, or unhelpful books and magazines. These are hardly reliable sources. There is only one place your son can learn, not merely accurate information, but the right emphasis, tone, sense of responsibility, and biblical perspective he must have in order to become a true man: he must learn it from you."