I kissed feminism goodbye: McCulley’s new book on singleness the product of a journey to biblical womanhood

Not long after her 29th birthday, Carolyn McCulley looked out at her world and found the beady eyes of an identity crisis staring back.

McCulley was approaching at mock speed that time in life when the first age digit flips from "2" to "3" with all the giddiness of an LED alarm clock burning forth 5:59 when wakeup time is 6:00 a.m.

She was confused, depressed, and still single. Worse, feminism as a worldview told her that the male species was the true enemy, that all this confusion was the product of a male-dominated society peddled at the inflated price of female advancement. Feminism’s two-fisted tenets offered McCulley comfort on par with Job’s friends.

Soon after turning 30, McCulley met one man whose message shot holes in her feminism like a gatling gun gone mad. McCulley traveled to visit her sister in South Africa where she heard an American pastor, C.J. Mahaney, preach the Gospel at a church in Cape Town.

God’s sovereign grace effectually attended Mahaney’s preaching that evening and McCulley was drawn out of the imprisoning darkness of feminism and into the liberating light of Jesus Christ. (McCulley’s full testimony is available on the website of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood; please see http://www.cbmw.org/resources/articles/mcculley.php).

"He (Mahaney) was so passionate for Jesus and so very real," she said. "His relationship with Christ appealed to me."

McCulley joined a local church and began to have her views of manhood and womanhood transformed by holy Scripture and the marriages of the devoted believers who now surrounded her.

"As I studied the Bible, I also studied the marriages of my new friends eager to see what this Christian concept of benevolent masculine leadership and joyful feminine submission actually looked like in real life," McCulley said.

"Though not perfect, what I saw was attractive. I saw men who sacrificed their own preferences and pleasures to make sure their wives and children were cultivated spiritually. These were men who took their responsibilities to be servant leaders seriously.

"They did not see marriage as a trap or children as an impediment to the pursuit of their own leisure and weekend hobbies. Instead, their families were seen as gifts worthy of their hard work."

Today, several years later, McCulley’s world has been transformed from that which she once viewed with such trepidation. A journalism major in college, she regularly writes for many Christian and mainstream publications on the topics of biblical femininity and a biblical view of singleness.

McCulley serves as media and marketing specialist for Sovereign Grace Ministries, a church-planting and publishing ministry for which Mahaney serves as president. Late last year, Crossway published her first book, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God With a Hope Deferred.

The book seeks to answer biblically the question that many single women ask themselves after a certain period--did I kiss marriage goodbye? "Trusting God with a hope deferred," is the book’s major premise, McCulley explains.

"The first chapter introduces the experience of being single with, I trust, a lot of sympathy," she said. "The second and third chapters explore the gift of singleness and the quiet providence of God in how He works and why we can trust Him with our desires."

Over the second half of the book, McCulley seeks to chart a clear path of biblical femininity for single women that is sometimes overlooked by the broader evangelical culture because of a laudable focus on marriage.

"The roadmap for fruitful femininity is found in the Proverbs 31 epilogue," McCulley said. "Because this portrait of godly femininity is painted as an excellent wife, many single women just skim it or even skip it completely.

"But this epilogue was a Hebrew acrostic taught by a wise mother to her young son. In memorizing this acrostic, this future ruler learned both his Hebrew alphabet and the virtues of a woman who would make an excellent wife. In other words, these qualities should be evident in a single woman’s life long before she gets married or whether she ever gets married."

The seeds were sown for the book while McCulley assisted Carolyn Mahaney, wife of C.J. Mahaney, with her book Feminine Appeal: The Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife, also published by Crossway Books. At the urging of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) Executive Director Randy Stinson and with the encouragement of the Mahaneys, McCulley says she wrote the book.

"As I immersed myself in her (Carolyn Mahaney’s) teaching about biblical femininity, I realized that my own view of femininity as a single woman had been profoundly affected and I wanted to share those insights with other single women," she said.

McCulley says the book’s aim is to encourage single women of all ages that the Bible shows but a singular path of femininity, one that must be walked by Christian women both single and married.

The Word of God has given Christ-centered wisdom and direction to the still single McCulley where feminism only proffered empty, vain philosophies--the very ‘worldly wisdom’ which the cross of Christ confounds.

"There isn’t a separate, diverging path if you suspect you may be single for a long time or for the rest of your life," she said. "There’s no hybrid, third-wheel model of femininity for single women. In every season of our lives, we are all to pursue the biblical qualities of godly womanhood found in Proverbs 31, Titus 2, and other Scriptures."

McCulley’s book (and the above-mentioned book by Carolyn Mahaney) is available through the CBMW webstore: http://www.cbmw.org/store/.