A Blueprint for Manhood, Part 2: In Adolescence and Beyond, the Importance of Living for Others

Adolescence: Here fathers are working with meticulous, sustained attention to model a vibrant Christian life for their sons that points their boys away from the tempting things of the world and toward the goodness of the person of Jesus Christ. This is a tough stage, as we all know (see Proverbs 2). The world calls loudly to young men, and I would wonder if this particular era is not especially tough for would-be Christian young men. It is essential that dads stay close to their sons in this period and give them regular guidance about this and other matters. Dads need to help their sons develop their natural gifts and not try to fit them into a certain mold.  If the Lord has given a boy the gift of music, help him develop it. If he likes to write, develop that talent. If he loves the outdoors and working with his hands, then dive into projects together. Stay close to your son in a manner that communicates both authority and love.  Both are essential.  Love is not alien to masculinity.  The failure to provide either love or authority deprives a boy of exactly half of what he needs.

Fathers need to teach their son that his gifts and abilities come directly from the Lord. They must also teach their boy to love his mother without shame, even as other boys disrespect theirs. If one's son has siblings, it is imperative for leadership development that the boy learns not to beat them up, lord over them, or ignore them, but to care for them and be an example for them. Fathers should also train their boy to actively use his strength and ability and gifting for the betterment of others. Many boys do the opposite.  They live for themselves, they could give a rip about the betterment of their siblings, they mistreat their mom, and they mainly want to gratify their interests and desires. If this model has small consequences in the home, rest assured that it will have great consequences beyond it. 

How fractured the world is; how shattered by grave sins of a selfish nature.  Whether it is popular to say or not, men lead the way in inflicting destruction.  It is not that men sin more than women, necessarily, but that they often do so with greater strength and passion, whether they shoot up schools, abuse their children, make explosive devices, leave their wives and children in the lurch in order to quench lust, or any number of other destructive acts that wreak havoc on those they are called to lead and care for.  If we would see homes repaired, and churches flourishing, and societies thriving, we could do no better than to target young men of all kinds with the gospel and a biblical vision of manhood that excitingly calls men to the cosmic purpose of their lives: to live as leaders for the good of others and, most importantly, the greater glory of God.

Manhood: In this phase of life, the boy becomes a man. He often will go to some form of college and learn a body of knowledge or a trade. In this season, the boy should know very clearly that he's not released from his parents to play around and waste time and money. He is now a (mostly independent) agent for good in the world. He should train himself, under the Lordship of Christ and the influence of men in his local church, to live as a righteous man in the world, to help others, to be a Christian witness, and to use all of his gifts and abilities for God's glory (the book of Proverbs has much to say on all this). He should learn what it means to provide through personal experience and should save substantial amounts of money whenever possible in order to bless his church and future family (Proverbs 21:20).

Young men need to pursue purity with zeal and involve themselves deeply in a local church, where they should serve in whatever capacity their gifts allow them.  As in his high school years, he should avoid much dating, though he should spend time in mixed groups with light supervision, learning to interact well with the other sex, hold a conversation, and treat a girl with respect and kindness. When a man identifies a girl who could be his wife, he ought to take much counsel on the matter and, if all checks out, approach her parents and then gently pursue her heart, fulfilling Genesis 2:24. Godly Christian men do not play with women's hearts by flirting with them and leading them on. They only indicate interest when ready for potentially serious commitment, though they should generally show kindness to any number of girls with whom they are acquainted.  Boys who do indicate interest should be extremely careful about physical touch and kissing and emotional connection with their potential love.  Self-control is essential in a time when emotions run hot.