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It’s all over twitter. It’s discussed in detail in all the recent dating and relationship books. It screamed at us from reality television. Every  successful TV matchmaker positively demands it.

Men are hunters. Women are responders.

Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, is famous for berating her girls to “Give him space to chase! Be the hunted!” Steve Ward, VH1 Tough Love host, explains “Men like a challenge; it’s in their nature. They love the thrill of the hunt. It’s okay to make him earn a relationship with you. If he is really interested he’ll do what it takes to see you.” Popular performer Steve Harvey, in his chapter entitled, ‘Strong, Independent and Lonely Women,’ says “If men can’t exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men –providing and protecting-then we’re not about to profess our love for you.” He goes on to say that women who don’t need their men to be men (because the women are busy being the male in the relationship) will date perpetual boys who will use them or men who will leave them for women who are the women in relationships. Even reality TV shows like the Bachelor/ette have proven it…. When many men pursue one woman…. There is sometimes a happy ending. But when many women pursue one man…. They breakup in a few months. The entire secular world, feminists included, has come to observe that for a relationship to be successful, the man needs to be the pursuer.

Men are hunters. Women are responders.

Scripture not only supports this truth, it reveals that God designed men and women this way. God created Adam as protector and provider, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” (Gen. 2:15) Then God created Eve as the helper for Adam, because “for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. (Gen. 2:20-24) God created man as protector/provider and designed woman to be his helper.

This truth is not confined to Genesis; the entire book of Song of Songs is a beautiful, graphic, picture of a bridegroom pursuing his love. He initiates their relationship and she responds to his tender courtship. (Song of Solomon) He pursues, she responds. Another story that reveals this truth, one not so happy or romantic, is that of Hosea and Gomer. The prophet of God who married a prostitute. He went out and found her, rescued her from a life of sin and shame – he married her. Again and again Gomer returns to her past life, leaving behind the man who gave her everything. He pursues, she responds – although her response is not always positive.

But why? Why are men hunters and woman responders?

Patti attributes the male hunter behavior to innate masculine energy. “The man is the hunter and the woman is the gatherer, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman. So if she begins to provide for him, she gives off masculine energy, and it throws everything off balance.” Steve Harvey speaks of DNA, “Encoded in the DNA of the male species is that we are to be the provider and the protector of the family.” Matchmaker Steve Ward assumes it has to do with evolution. Men are hunters because somewhere deep down inside is a remnant of their ancestors – the prehistoric cavemen. Supposedly, prehistoric man lived in caves and provided for his family by hunting. Chasing down prey was his first job and first sport. Many believe that this evolutionary instinct is still present in men today. No better picture of the “caveman” behavior than Tarzan. He lived like an animal, surviving off the land. Initially, he was only able to communicate in a series of grunts. Yet, he somehow managed to win the heart of an intelligent woman like Jane, solely through his persistent pursuit.

But why? Why did God created men as pursuers and woman as responders?

Not because deep down there are still remnants of prehistoric caveman ancestors, but because God intentionally designed them that way. God’s design of masculinity as pursuer of femininity directly reflects Christ’s pursuit of his bride, the church. Jesus pursued us, his bride. (1 John 4:19) Jesus made the provision for us to have a relationship with him. (Is. 53:5) His love is unconditional and unfailing. (Rom. 8:38-39)

Male and female directly reflect Christ’s pursuit of his bride. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Eph. 5:25-32)

Men are pursuers. Women are responders.  Because gender is a picture of the gospel. God’s “role assignments” for men and women are a living picture of Christ’s pursuit and provision of us, the church, his bride. We, the females, are designed to be responders. Not as punishment for being less skilled or weak, but because this is how Jesus asks us to glorify him. Your Savior is asking you to be the responder in your dating relationships, in your marriage, in your church – so that His redemptive salvation is declared to the world. That way, even if there isn’t a second date, even if your marriage is on the rocks, Jesus is made known through your behavior. By refusing to ‘be the man’ and embracing God’s design for your femininity, He gets glory.

Not because he is a modern-day Tarzan and you are his Jane….

But because, as male and female, you are a reflection of your Savior to the world.

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About Gabrielle Pickle: Committed to serving as a voice for silenced, Gabrielle is the Associate Director of Communications for Sisters In Service, a nonprofit dedicated to providing new life to abused and exploited women and girls in highest-risk places around the world. She is also one of the contributing writers at the Unlocking Femininity online magazine, (http://unlockingfemininity.com/) providing biblical truth to today’s woman. This post originally appeared at www.girlsgonewise.com.

 

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For almost forty years, Ms. magazine has been the most famous voice of the feminist movement in print. Co-founded by Gloria Steinem in 1972, the magazine is stalwartly feminist, retaining the language and spirit of the feminism of the 1970s. In other words, Ms. is the voice of feminist ideological orthodoxy. And the demand for unrestricted abortion rights is at the center of that ideology.

That’s what makes the Winter 2011 edition of the magazine so interesting — and so disturbing. The issue features an article by Madeline Wheeler entitled “Saving the Girl Child,” which offers a report on “India’s epidemic of female infanticide and sex-selection abortion.”

The appearance of that article does come as something of a surprise. After all, Ms., and the feminist movement it represents, insist that a woman must have the right to abort a pregnancy for any reason or for no reason. This claim, they have long insisted, is central to the very idea of reproductive freedom. So, what about sex-selection abortions — when it is female babies who are most commonly aborted?

On this issue, Ms. seems to have found cause for feminist concern. Wheeler explains that Indian women “are under severe pressure to bear sons.” She continues: “In fact, female infanticide and sex-selection abortion over the last two decades has led to a dearth of baby girls and an unnatural gender ratio.” This dearth of baby girls is described as a “problem.”

The article also reveals that even though sex-selection abortions are illegal in India, they remain common. The arrival of sophisticated prenatal imaging technologies, such as the ultrasound, have allowed the identification of fetal gender, leading to the targeting of baby girls in societies like India and China, which are marked by a clear “son preference.”

So far, so good. If anything, the article fails to indicate the full scale of the tragedy — but it also fails to describe “the problem” as tragic in any sense. In reality, the targeting of female babies by abortion and infanticide has meant over 100 million missing girls in India and China, as documented by The Economist earlier this year.

Madeline Wheeler does describe the “problem” of sex-selection abortions targeting girls, and then she writes: “Even worse, families unable to afford ultrasound procedures often resort to infanticide.” She cited the report of filmmaker Nyna Pais-Caputi, who was told by the director of an orphanage that the facility was located on the shore of a lake in order “to encourage families to give their infant daughters up for adoption rather than drown them in the lake.”

The article points with hope to a campaign led by the government. “Save the Girl Child” is an effort to “save girls.” How? By addressing the morality of abortion? Of course not. Instead, the campaign will include fashion shows, special birthday cards for girls, doctors who will argue against sex-selection abortions, and “government schemes offering cash incentives to families to raise girls.”

Wheeler ends her article by quoting filmmaker Nyna Pais-Caputi: “Women need to be seen as valuable, positive role models. People need to feel the magnitude of the problem.”

On that statement, we can all agree. But the obvious question is this — has Ms. magazine felt anything even close to “the magnitude of the problem”?

Their feminist ideology does not even allow them to acknowledge that sex-selection abortions are perfectly legal in the United States, and that feminists have insisted that any woman has a right to an abortion at any time for any reason or for no stated reason at all. The pro-abortion ideology is so extreme that any opposition to the targeting of girls by sex-selection abortion is undermined by the movement’s enthusiasm for unfettered abortion rights.

The moral bankruptcy of their situation is revealed by the tepid language employed in the article and the lack of moral outrage. But how can Ms. muster any genuine outrage about sex-selection abortions in India when it has demanded unfettered abortion access in our own country? It cannot, and it does not. This monumental tragedy is described only as “the problem.”

The moral collapse of their position is seen in the fact that this murderous rampage against female babies cannot be described in the language moral sanity demands. The only morally sane response to this tragedy is outrage against the killing of all babies — followed by the affirmation of the sanctity and dignity of every human life.

We can only pray that embarrassment over this article might force some readers of Ms. magazine to rethink the entire question, for, as tepidly expressed in the closing words of the article, “People need to feel the magnitude of the problem.”

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 A little over two years ago I published a book called Water of the Word, which is essentially a tool to help husbands pray the words of Scripture consistently for their wives.  I also made the book available for free in its entirety online.  Many of us men (and I know this from my own heart) are stupid and lazy when it comes to prayer.  Stupid, because we neglect it, pray wrongly (James 4:3), or ignore the example and guidance of Scripture.  Lazy, because we procrastinate, fail to make it a discipline, and subsequently miss out on delight.  I don’t want to be a stupid, lazy pray-er.  That’s why I wrote that book; it helps me, and I hope it will help others.  Furthermore, without prayer at the heart of a marriage, affections, fidelity, and grace wane and waver.  Are we so stupid as to think for one moment that we can keep such a ludicrous, heavenly covenant by our own power?  Who has bewitched us?  The insanity of it!

 Insane, lazy people like me often need training wheels to get started on the road to reality and beauty.  As Bonhoeffer wrote, “The richness of the Word of God ought to determine our prayer, not the poverty of our heart” (Psalms, 1970, p 15).  But what happens when we are so lazy that we won’t even take the training wheels of Scripture offered to us on a silver platter?

 A year after I published Water, the book had met with mediocre success.  Many women has requested a version for wives, so I released Prayers of an Excellent Wife.  The race to pray was on.

 Now, to be fair, I knew Prayers was going to have a couple advantages.  First, the cover is far too pretty.  Second, Joni Eareckson Tada endorsed it.  But then again, who was going to buy a book for wives written by a no-name man?  That alone nearly cancels out any advantages.  Although my general impression had been that women usually excel men in prayer, I did not quite expect Prayers to sell more in 2 months than Water had in an entire year.  But it did.  Since then the wives’ book has consistently sold 4-5 times more than the husbands’ book. 

 Keep in mind that the books are the same price, and both are made available as cheaply as possible through a whatever-you-can-afford policy.  To add to these statistics, the free PDF downloads exemplify nearly the same pattern.  Women are downloading 2-3 times as many copies as the men are. 

 In reviewing these statistics I am not so naïve to think that most men already are passionate, disciplined, biblical pray-ers, and thus need no book, etc., to help them.  No.  It seems to me that there is a general laziness and stupidity about prayer in husbands much more than in wives.  Although I don’t want to jump to drastic conclusions, the evidence is embarrassing, and I think, indicting. 

 Have you become like Eli, a spiritual leader who is not even able to recognize prayer, needing a woman to explain it to you (1 Sam 1:12-16)?  The Psalms were not written by women, but where are the men like David?  The biblical precedent is crystal clear that men should lead the church and their homes spiritually, which includes prayer.  Jesus Christ initiates prayer for His Bride (John 17, Rom 8:34, Heb 7:25). 

 Honestly, I know that many books are purchased/downloaded with good intentions, but never used.  Sadly, these statistics suggest that even good intentions are lacking rather pathetically in men.  If I were Mark Driscoll I might remark that if you’re not leading in prayer for and with your wife, you’re a joke.  Jesus might say something even more searing. 

 Whether men end up using Water of the Word or their own Bibles matters little to me.  Both involve Scripture and both are freely available.  My sincere hope is that the statistics are warped or wrong about the general climate of men and prayer.  But if they are not, let this be a challenge to you as a man. 

 At the end of the day, men and women alike need the power of the Gospel in their lives to enable them to be mighty on their knees.  We pray because through Christ we are empowered, cleansed, transformed, and made increasingly aware of our desperate need of Him in our lives and leadership.  We pray because we love Him and delight to commune with Him.  We pray because we want Him for our wives.  We want Him to be magnified in our marriages.  May God be merciful to turn the tide so that the Deborahs and Jaels are no longer picking up the slack of the Baraks (Judges 4). 

 

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Under the influence of a woman, cities have crumbled (Joshua 2-6), and kings have caved (Mark 6). The power that a woman has to influence those around her is one of her strongest resources. And yet, some of us underestimate this influence. Scripture says differently.

The faith of a woman directly affects the atmosphere of her home and shapes the dynamics of her marriage.

We had a saying growing in our house. “If momma ain’t happy, there ain’t nobody happy.” With this one comical phrase we acknowledged the external impact a woman’s attitude had on those living around her. If she was pleasant and contented, the home was calm and happy. But if she was sputtering about something that really made her mad, the house was on edge and chaotic. Proverbs says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Why? Because the attitudes women have directly affect the atmosphere of their homes.

What type of environment are we creating in our homes? Our faith is being continuously influential on those around us. We can’t choose who or when our faith impacts them, but we can always choose how. How is your faith impacting your home?

The faith of a woman directly influences the direction of her children and grandchildren.

There’s no denying Rahab was a woman of great influence. Her faith in Israel’s God outshined even some of the Israelites. It was her faith that enabled her to go out on a limb and help the spies escape. It was her faith that threw the scarlet cord out her window in an effort to save her household. I don’t know about you, but I think if I knew the city walls were about to crumble I would suddenly develop an interest in camping…OUTSIDE the city limits! My stuff would be packed and I would be leaving…and I’m not so sure I would see the logic of hanging a scarlet cord outside my window in “hopes” that my house wouldn’t come toppling down with the rest of Jericho. But this is what Rahab does, and her faith is evident to all. It directly affected the nation of Israel. It eventually affected her descendent, Boaz, who is a man known for his righteousness. And ultimately, it brought a legacy of faith for the generations that came behind her to follow after (Matthew 1:5; Hebrews 11:31; James 2:25). Rahab’s faith directly influenced the direction of her children and the generations of children that followed.

The faith of a woman potentially moves a nation.

In the grand scheme of things, it is unlikely that Esther ever thought that her life would amount to much. She was an orphan. She was Jew. She was a woman. Three strikes…you know the saying. Even though she was an unlikely candidate for national fame, she did have three things going for her. She was an orphan…with a wise uncle. She was a Jew…meaning that she was part of God’s chosen people. She was a woman…and a beautiful one, to boot. And what seemed to be her pitfalls in life, turned out to be the very catalysts that propelled her to stardom: Queen of Persia.

It is evident that she had faith. She listened and obeyed the authority God had put in her life (Esther 2:20). She fasted and prayed, and called on the nation to fast and pray as well (Esther 4:16). She stepped out in faith believing in God to take an impossible situation and turn it for His people’s good (Esther 5). Her faith moved the heart of a godless king to have faith in her as well (Esther 8:8).

While it’s unlikely you or I will ever have the chance to be the Queen of Persia, we must not limit the potential our faith can have on changing a nation for Christ. The question isn’t who are you influencing. The question we must ask ourselves is HOW? How is my faith affecting those I come into contact with? In an effort to be positive influencers to the world around us, Mary Kassian offers four key ingredients that every wise woman takes to heart:

1. Choose positive and not negative influence.  In other words, in order to choose what type of influence you are becoming, discern what types of influences you are letting in to your life. 
2. Affecting Others through Strength of Character.  Peter speaks about women using their conduct as a source of impact on an unbelieving husband, “that they may be won by the conduct of their wives.” (I Peter3:1-2)
3. Judicious with Words.  Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.”  A woman’s speech holds great power to influence those around her.  Be wise with your words.
4. Rely on God to Effect Change. As Mary Kassian says, “A positive influencer kn ows that ultimately it is God, and not she, who effects positive change in a person’s life.  So she relies on Him and on her most potent, influential tool – prayer.”

It is true: we are all influencers. We can’t choose who we are going to influence, or when we are going to influence them. But we can always…always…choose how.

(Sarah Bubar is a frequent contributor to the Girls Gone Wise blog. This post originally appeared on that site. For more excellent articles on biblical womanhood, please see www.girlsgonewise.com)

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I have long been interested in learning more about the plight of women (and human beings in general) throughout the world. It is so easy to be desensitized by the comforts of America, and thus be ignorant of the horrors that so many people, created in God’s image, face on a daily basis.

In light of all this, I was anxious to read Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide. This book, written by Pulitzer Prize winning journalists and highly secular in its approach, chronicles the various atrocities that happen to women throughout the world. It is not a book for the faint of heart. The material is heavy and the topics discussed are heartbreaking. But, it is a necessary book, one that informs and ignites passion. The stories are real. The people are truly suffering. And the need is great. That being said, a believer would need to read this book with a biblical worldview in mind, as it will not be provided by the authors. But if you care about the women across the world, read this book. It would be hard to read it and not be changed.

Because it is not a Christian book, there are some things I noticed that need to be deconstructed. But there are also helpful assessments too. For a comprehensive take on it, read Carolyn McCulley’s review on Christianity Today’s website. She faithfully deals with the issues presented in the book, while bringing Christ to bear on their situations.

The prevailing thought in my head (and heart) as I read this book is that we cannot be ignorant of the horrific things happening to women and children in this world. It is so easy to live our relatively easy lives and never know what happens across the ocean, or in our own backyards. Reading this book will not allow you to stay ignorant. Even as you read this, women in Africa are languishing alone due to treatable deformities called fistulas. Little girls and young women in India are trafficked, sold like property for sex. And the eastern Congo is the world capital for rape. As women who follow Christ, we should care about those who are destitute, despised, and distraught. We cannot live silently, acting as though these things are not our problem. They are our problem. But our care for them should not merely be activism, because activism without Christ does not truly bring good and healing to anyone.

And that was noticeably absent in this book. It is good and right to be educated about fistulas, trafficking, and rape. And it is good and right to be outraged and ready to take action. But education and passion are not enough. Women need Christ, like we all do. The only hope for the despised woman suffering from obstetric fistula in Africa is that Jesus is the great Physician who can heal her body and her soul.

So, if your heart is stirred to be aware about the plight of women worldwide, read this book. I hope you do. It will open your eyes. But read it with a Bible in hand, asking God to make you not merely an activist for external change, but an activist for Christ’s eternally transforming work for the weary and despised.