The much-anticipated Together for the Gospel (T4G) conference concluded Thursday with over 5,000 attendees committed to the advancement of the gospel.

Attendees were treated to an incredible banquet of Gospel-centered, Christ-focused teaching and expository preaching from T4G leaders Mark Dever, Ligon Duncan, C.J. Mahaney and R. Albert Mohler Jr., and their friends, Thabiti Anyabwile, John MacArthur, John Piper and R.C. Sproul.

We are pleased that the leaders of T4G have made a clear proclamation and defense of the gospel as well as on biblical manhood and womanhood. Dever, Duncan, Mahaney and Mohler have spoken unambiguously on manhood and womanhood in Article XVI of T4G's Affirmations & Denials.

"We affirm that the Scripture reveals a pattern of complementary order between men and women, and that this order is itself a testimony to the Gospel, even as it is the gift of our Creator and Redeemer. We also affirm that all Christians are called to service within the body of Christ, and that God has given to both men and women important and strategic roles within the home, the church, and society. We further affirm that the teaching office of the church is assigned only to those men who are called of God in fulfillment of the biblical teachings and that men are to lead in their homes as husbands and fathers who fear and love the Lord."

"We deny that the distinction of roles between men and women revealed in the Bible is evidence of mere cultural conditioning or a manifestation of male oppression or prejudice against women. We also deny that this biblical distinction of roles excludes women from meaningful ministry in Christ's kingdom. We further deny that any church can confuse these issues without damaging its witness to the Gospel."

Piper made clear his feelings regarding the place of godly women in the church, calling churches to cultivate female sages who take seriously both the close careful study of God's Word, while serving as wise, theologically-informed mentors for younger Christian women. In one of the most unforgettable lines of the conference, Piper expressed his deep love for women who live and labor fearlessly for an invisible kingdom and the glory of God. Piper answered his own question about where these women can be found:

"Where are these women? The single women and the married women and the pastor's wives like Esther, who, when Mordecai came to her and said, ‘you have to do this because your people are perishing,' [she said], ‘Tell them to fast and I will go into the king though it is against the law, and if I perish, then I perish.' Where are those women? Our church is crawling with them. I love them....I married one of them."

Audio from the entire conference is available here.

[Single female readers of Girl Talk and single male readers of Man Speak are regularly encouraged to prepare for marriage.  Then the challenging and intoxicating process of discernment can begin (whether called courtship, rescued dating, or whatever) to answer the question posed in the title of this post.  Walt Alexander is a regular contributor at Man Speak and provides the second part of a two-day challenge for single complementarians. — David Kotter]

If we become the "right" person who is prepared to marry, who should we "court" with the intention to marry?

This is a list to consider:

1. We should court someone who is a Christian. Because we — as Christians — are forbidden by Scripture to marry a non-Christian (2 Cor 6:14-15), we should not court one. This is a no-brainer. If you are courting/dating a non-Christian, break up with them.

2. We should court someone who knows and treasures God. We should not court people who do not know God and treasure God. We should not court someone who is stagnant in their love for and pursuit of God. Now, this does not mean everyone has to be John Piper, but it does mean they should treasure God and be content in Him. Look for what they delight in and you will discover what they treasure.

3. We should court someone who is pursuing humility (by the grace of God). No one is humble so don't look for perfection. But do look for humility. Court someone who is pursuing humility — someone who is accountable to friends, to small group leaders, and to pastors, someone who follows the wisdom of their parents and small group leader, someone who is patient, etc.

4. We should court someone who we see God at work in. Now — because we are often blinded by lust — we tend to prize externals (appearance, weight, personality, etc.) but fail to value what really counts, godliness (1 Tim 4:7-8). So court the person who is growing in godliness. Do not court the guy or girl whose life is not adorned with the fruit of godliness. If you marry someone for externals, that is what you will get. So be wise and look for fruit. Guys, look for the Proverbs 31 woman and, girls, look for the Mark 10:43-45 man!

5. We should court someone who is committed to a local church. We should not court a drifter. A drifter is someone with many, shallow relationships who is uncommitted. In fact, they shirk at relational and church commitment. The problem, ultimately, is not merely that they are drifters. The problem is their wandering, sinful hearts (like all of ours!) need the sturdy ground of the church, otherwise they (and we) will drift and wander to their demise. So, we should court someone who is committed to a local church. It is in the church that we experience the fullness of blessing in the Christian life.  It is where we receive invaluable instruction from God, plug into God-glorifying relationships, and serve God's people. Therefore, someone committed to a local church will most likely be growing in godliness and will be accountable to others.

6. We should court someone who is personally mature. We should court someone who has their life in order! If they don't have it in order now, they will not have it in order when you marry them. Court someone who is faithful, organized, and self-controlled.

7. We should court someone we "like". Should this even be here? Oftentimes this is elevated to number one. We will not court someone unless they are someone we hang out with, someone we could see ourselves with, someone who is "cool" (whatever that means!), someone who we've been thinking about, etc, and we decide all this before we even court them!! This should not be. We must get back to what God requires of a man or woman and submit our criterion to God's Word. In other words, we shouldn't court someone who we merely like.  Like is somewhat important but it is not ultimate. Like must be submitted to God's rule. Properly submitted to God's Word, we should be open and willing to court someone who we would not normally like but who is a Christian, growing in godliness, serving the church, and mature enough for marriage. God's Word is trustworthy, but romantic ideals of like and dreams are deceitful.

Finally, in any and all of these areas, do not look for perfection, except that we should not court a non-Christian. Look for growth. Look for God at work, transplanting new desires and new delights in place of old desires and old delights.

[Many female readers of Gender Blog are familiar with the teaching and encouragement of the popular blog Girl Talk.  But more readers need to know that the same solid biblical content is served up in manly portions in the blog ManSpeak.  Walt Alexander is a regular contributor at ManSpeak and has the following two-day challenge for single complementarians. — David Kotter]

Have you ever noticed that in "picking" the right guy or the right girl it is just that? Have you ever noticed that the other person is always our preoccupation? We are often thinking: Is she cool? Is she hot? Is she organized (ok... probably not most of us)? Does she have money?

We are quite scrupulous on the other person. But far too often, we are not the same way with ourselves. So, let's take our eyes off the other person for a moment and start with ourselves. Instead of searching for the right person, let's strive to be the right person.

So, how can I be the right person to court? How can I prepare myself?

Well, here are four categories to think through before you begin courtship (stolen from several messages by Mike Plewniak, a pastor at Cornerstone Church, on courtship):

Spiritual maturity — This is the most important category. Someone who is spiritually mature knows God. Someone who knows God is someone who thinks and acts like Him. What God hates, they hate. What God loves, they love. Is this you? Someone who is spiritually mature is someone who is content in God. This is someone who is not easily swayed from their pursuit of God by other things. They are consistently happy in God.

• Is your life centered on the gospel?
• Are your devotions consistent and passionate?
• Guys, are you mature enough to lead spiritually? Are you willing to sacrifice your preferences and "rights" to serve others?
• Girls, are you mature enough to discern and follow godly a man?
• Guys, what pulls your heart? A girl who is popular, hot and flirts with you or a girl who is content with and pursues the Lord?
• Girls, what pulls your heart? A guy who charms you or a guy who is faithful and leads spiritually?

Personal maturity — What you want here is a mature, disciplined life. A mature person is someone responsible and faithful, someone who gets things done.

• Are you faithful? (Ask your friends or your pastor if they can count on you and find out!)
• Is your life organized or is it haphazard? Do you stumble through each day or do you strategically plan your day to honor the Lord?
• Do you sleep late every day? Do you get to class on time? As Mike Plewniak said, "If you cannot get yourself out of bed and get to class on time, you are not ready...you are still just a boy."
• Is your car clean? Often, our car reflects our heart and life.
• Are you productive? Do you work hard? Or do you waste your time playing World of Warcraft, checking your facebook, and chatting with people online?

Economic maturity — What you want here is someone who can reasonably provide for a wife and family. What you shouldn't be looking for here is to be able to have and do whatever you want if you got married. You should be able to pay for the essentials (rent/mortgage, health insurance, food, gas, cars, clothes, etc.) and grow into other things.

• Can you reasonably afford to get married and to provide for kids?
• Do you have a job or are you marketable? How long until you get out of school?
• Are you careless with your money? Where do you spend your money?
• Do you have a credit card? (Burn it now if it is out of control!!)
• Do you have lots of debt? Can you reasonably afford to get married and continue paying off this debt?
• If you are still unsure, take your budget to your father or small group leader and ask him to help you make a reasonable budget.

Sexual maturity — What you want here is to have your sexual desires under control. You want to be disciplined and self-controlled. Though sexual desires are still there, they should not rule — either in sinful thoughts or actions.

• Are you a flirtatious attention-seeker? 
• How is your thought life?
• Do you over-romanticize marriage? Are you preoccupied by the prospect of it?
• Do you fight and subdue lustful thoughts?
• Are you addicted to pornography or masturbation?
• How are your actions?

Now you are probably worn out at this point and too aware of how you fall short. It is good for us to see how we measure up and to see where we need to grow. But as we strive to grow, let us move to one area at a time aware that the God who has justified us once-for-all is the God who will completely sanctify us.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony; which is an honorable state, instituted by God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church."

That familiar language from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer, recited thousands of times each week in various forms, presents a vision of marriage as a deeply Christian institution--even a necessary portrait of the love that unites Christ and His church. As marriage signifies this "mystical union," it points to an understanding that takes us far beyond the relationship of the husband and wife. Do most Christians have even the slightest understanding of this?

It is bad enough that the secular world has discounted marriage into a quasi-legal contract that, like other voluntary contracts, can be made or broken at will. The greater tragedy is the failure of Christians to take marriage seriously. According to the Bible, marriage is not only designed by the Creator as an arena for human happiness and the continuation of the human race — it is also the arena of God's glory, where the delights and disciplines of marriage point to the purpose for which human beings were made.

Marriage is about our happiness, our holiness, and our wholeness — but it is supremely about the glory of God. When marriage is entered into rightly, when marriage vows are kept with purity, when all the goods of marriage are enjoyed in their proper place — God is glorified.

Our chief end is to glorify God — and marriage is a means of His greater glory. As sinners, we are all too concerned with our own pleasures, our own fulfillments, our own priorities, our own conception of marriage as a domestic arrangement. The ultimate purpose of marriage is the greater glory of God — and God is most greatly glorified when His gifts are rightly celebrated and received, and His covenants are rightly honored and pledged.

Marriage is not greatly respected in our postmodern culture. For many, the covenant of marriage has been discarded in favor of a contract of cohabitation. An ethic of personal autonomy has produced successive generations who think of the world as the arena of their own personal fulfillment and of marriage as an outdated relic of an outgrown culture of obligation.

Ours is an era of self-expression. Individuals express themselves through marriage, and then express themselves through divorce — as if all of life is nothing more than a succession of acts of self-expression.

A divorce culture explains away obligation and sacred promises as temporary statements of emotional disposition. I may feel married today — I may not feel married tomorrow.

Our culture is so sexually confused that the goods of sex are severed from the vows and obligations of marriage. Thanks to modern technologies, we can have sex without babies, babies without sex, and both without marriage. For many, marriage has become an irrelevancy.

For others it is worse. Some have lambasted marriage as a domestic prison, a patriarchal and oppressive institution foisted upon unsuspecting men and women in order to deny them freedom, autonomy, fulfillment, and liberation. And, for a post-Christian culture, there is that nagging problem of the essential character of marriage as sacred institution. A society that disbelieves in God will eventually disbelieve in marriage.

Christian couples who are committed to this high conception of marriage must see themselves as counter-revolutionaries. In a very real sense, they are. They are standing against the tide of public opinion, against the trend of modern morality, against the erosion of order and the deflationary market in faithfulness. Before God, they stand committed to each other — and only to each other. To live together for each other, no matter what may come.

The church has recognized three great purposes of marriage, and all three of these have been subverted by the sexual revolution and its aftermath.

The first is the procreation and nurture of children, if God should grant children to the marriage. This purpose is dishonored by many, but it is honored among believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. Children are to be welcomed as gifts to the institution of marriage, transforming husband and wife into father and mother. In our anti-natalist age, some see children as impositions — or worse. The denial of a procreative orientation for marriage — every marriage genuinely open to the gift of children — is a denial of the biblical vision of marriage itself.

The second great purpose of marriage, as the ancient language expresses it, is "as a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication... that [believers] might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body." Marriage as a remedy for sin? This purpose is ridiculed among many, but it is honored among Christ's disciples. This is exactly what the Apostle Paul took as his concern in writing to the church at Corinth. Confused and seduced by sexual sin, that church had compromised its own ability to represent Christ. Paul pointed to marriage as a means of channeling sexual desire into its proper context, lest believers "burn with passion" and sin against God. [1 Corinthians 7:9]

Our culture has turned "burning with passion" into a hedonistic art form. Explicit sexuality — stripped of the constraints of marriage — is the energy behind much of our economy, the material for entertainment, the substance of art, the enticement of advertising. Those who believe that sexual intercourse should be limited to marriage are dismissed as moral throw-backs, hopelessly outdated creatures who simply have no clue about the modern world.

The third great end of marriage is companionship throughout life, through good and bad, comfort and loss, sickness and health, until death parts the husband and wife. The mystery of completeness is expressed in the statement that the two shall become one. When a man and a woman exchange marriage vows, they become one solitary unit. After the exchange of these vows, we can no longer speak of the husband without the wife, or of the wife without the husband. They have become one, both in the physical union of the marital act and in the metaphysical union of the marital bond. As a married couple — husband and wife — they will live to the glory of God with each other, for each other, and to each other.

The end of marriage is its beginning — the glory of God, the mystery of Christ and the church. The exclusivity and purity of the marriage bond points to the exclusivity and purity of the relationship between Christ and His church.

How does marriage glorify God? Tertullian, one of the early church fathers, offers wisdom: "How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice... Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit... They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God's church and partake God's banquet, side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other's company; they never bring sorrow to each other's hearts... Seeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present."

Marriage is the source of great and unspeakable happiness. Yet because of sin it is not unmixed happiness. But marriage is not first and foremost about making us happy. It is for making us holy. And through the covenant of marriage two Christians pledge to live together so as to make each other holy before God, as a testimony to Christ.

Keep this in mind in the midst of today's frenzied marriage debates. Marriage is first and foremost about the glory of God. All of the manifold gifts of marriage are derived from that great fact.

"Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage."

According to a recent study out of Great Britain love and marriage don't necessarily go together like a horse and carriage. Love seems to be riding solo, and marriage has dropped to a 110 year low in Great Britain. The Office of National Statistics reported that only 2% of single men got married in 2006, the lowest rate since recording began in 1862.

According to The Guardian, the average age of first marriages for men was 32 and 30 for women in the United Kingdom. In the United States the average age of marriage for women at 26 and the average age for men 27.

Jill Kirby, director of a policy studies center, commented that this is not surprising because the government policy has not been encouraging of marriage. But the government is not the sole cause for the lack of marriages. When the Church is silent on these issues, then the government and surrounding culture establish the worldview.

We are living in a pro-adolescent culture. Men are not encouraged to grow-up, but are expected to behave like boys and seek the next thrill, toy, or woman. Women are not encouraged to desire marriage, but are rather pushed to climb the corporate ladder and be independent. Suddenly we have adults living like kids while wielding the income and resources of grown adults. But it's not like these "kidults" are void of relationships. Instead of settling down and getting married, these up-and-comers are living together and putting off marriage. Thus, we see a downward spiral of the marriage institution.

The statistics might give us insight to the culture, but what about the vast singles culture within our churches. Are we faring any better?  I praise God for the singles groups in churches that point their singles to Christ and exalt marriage. But unfortunately there are some singles groups that are more like a Friends episode then a story out of the Bible. These singles are not being prepared for marriage, but rather delayed adulthood.

Though men and women in churches may not be living together (though it is not uncommon), there is another predicament-men and women as best friends. It is the intimacy without the marriage. I have known many women who have hoped in the close friendships with male friends only to be disappointed when these men never reciprocated the feelings, but still always wanted to "just hang out."

The Church must talk about marriage like the Bible does. Marriage is not just good for the economy, or society, though this has shown to be true. Marriage is good because it was designed by God to point to the Gospel. When a godly man lovingly leads his wife, and when a wife joyfully submits to her husband's leadership, the beauty of Christ's relationship with his Bride is reflected.

Marriage can't be reduced to "the best option." God is not pleased when we choose another "option." The very fact that marriage is at such a low in England, and in the United States, is not because we aren't choosing good options, but because our churches are not speaking candidly and boldly about God's design for marriage. Ultimately, it's not about the economy and society being strengthened; it's about the glory of God being displayed in marriage. And that is what we lost when we gave up marriage.