[Courtney Tarter is originally from Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, a recovering feminist, and regular contributor to Gender Blog.  Her love of the gospel and desire to serve women speaks for itself in this two part series. - David Kotter]

I used to think that discipleship was about me. As I felt God calling me to ministry I began feeling the burden to minister to other women, which was not a wrong desire. But, I thought it would work my way. And my way was a romantic idea of finding a girl to disciple. We would meet. I would see her desperate need for my help, and I would disciple her and change her life. Thankfully, God rescued me from this sinful and very wrong idea.

I first met Brittany in the beginning of my senior year. She was a freshman who I didn't have any real interest in getting to know. She immediately had a lot of friends, and I, in my sinfulness, questioned her love for the gospel because of her friends. The week before I left for Fall Break she approached me in the cafeteria. Freshman couldn't have cars and she needed a ride home for break. I just so happened to be the only girl on our campus who lived near her house and the last thing I wanted to do was to give her a ride home. I definitely knew God would rather me use my drive time for my personal edification—not driving some freshman home. I thought that I had already had a hard semester trying to disciple women, and I needed the break. But I had no legitimate reason to say no, so one week later we were headed to Michigan for break.

God used that ride to shatter a lot of pride in my heart. I told her that we would listen to sermons on the way home (thinking that she probably wouldn't want to do that, but I was going to put my foot down anyway), but she seemed very excited about the idea and I still remember the encouragement that I felt when I saw her pull her Bible out and take notes. She and I shared our testimonies, which were very similar, and she asked me a lot of questions about moving on from a sinful past because hers was fresher than mine. As the drive continued, the Lord began to soften my heart towards her. And the entire week that I was home I felt the Lord leading me to ask her if she wanted to meet on a regular basis.

It was after that drive that we began to meet almost every week for nearly two years. We went to church together every Sunday, we prayed together often, and I always looked forward to our rides home at breaks. God used her to break my preconceptions about discipleship. God knew exactly what I needed when he brought Brittany into my life.

Discipleship is not about me seeking out the girl who I thought needed the most help, rather discipleship is about me being obedient to the Titus 2 mandate that God has placed on my life. Discipleship was just as much, if not more, of a sanctifying process for me than it even was for Brittany. As I would seek to pour truth into her, I myself had to believe in and know the gospel that I was proclaiming. We always joke about how I always have the same experiences right before she does, and God has used all of those experiences in both of us to conform us more into the image of his Son. As I grew in my relationship with the Lord, I grew in my relationship with Brittany because she and I were both striving for the same goal.

A court case recently unfolded in Kentucky that left James Rhoades, a university librarian, fighting via a paternity suit for rights to see the son whom he fathered through an adulterous relationship with a married woman.

Late last month, a divided Supreme Court in the Bluegrass State ruled 4-3 that Rhoades cannot press his paternity claim, even though he has procured positive DNA evidence that validates his claim as the biological father of the child. Rhoades fathered the child with a woman who was—and remains—married to another man. Kentucky laws do not allow a third party to claim parenthood to a child birthed by a married woman. As TIME magazine termed it, "When it comes to defining fatherhood in the Bluegrass State...the marital ‘I do' means a lot more than DNA...Courts have forever held that allegations of fatherhood by third parties can only disrupt the family, confuse or embarrass the child, and unsettle the social order."

The decision left Rhoades shaken, "What I wanted was not just to see my son but to participate in his life," he told TIME. "He is my son and I love him."  TIME points out that the rise of forensic science has begun to weaken third-party challenges to paternity. By 2000, at least 33 states had adopted rules that allowed challenges by fathers with genetic proof of their paternity, mostly restricting the efforts to the first two years of a child's life.

In issuing its written opinion, the Kentucky court seemed hard-pressed to come to grips with a united reason as to why Rhoades should be denied paternal rights; the seven judges issued five separate opinions. The words of Justice Bill Cunningham brought the most clarity to the case by asserting the timeless truth of the sanctity of marriage:

As long as marriage is on the books, it must mean something. We are in need of a bold declaration that the marriage circle, even one with an errant partner, will be invaded at one's own legal risk. While the legal status of marriage in this early 21^st century appears to be on life support, it is not dead.

This case demonstrates several important truths, not the least of which is the devastating effects of sin. We have here a sad example of the way in which "the mischief of sin," as the Puritans often called it, is often visited upon the children of those committing it.

The ruling also spotlights the value of marriage—which the law has upheld for centuries—regardless of the changes of science; the young boy who is the product of this sinful relationship will be best served in the context of a home—one that includes a mother and a father—should God, in his mercy, preserve the couple's marriage intact in spite of its obvious brokenness. While I can sympathize with Rhoades desires to spend time with the boy, perhaps better yet it will please God to redeem his mother's home for His own glory. We pray that it will be so.  

Chip and Celia have been married for 5 years. They love and respect Chip's parents, but Chip's parents feel that the couple needs to spend more time with them, take their input more seriously about parenting, and allow Celia to work outside the home ("...since she does have her Master's Degree").

In a society where we breath the air of feminism, many young couples face the struggle of building a complementarian marriage while having parents who see through egalitarian lenses. Here are a few tips on how to honor egalitarian parents while also not compromising your biblical convictions.

1. Humility: We are always told to "honor our parents," so the best way to honor parents when you disagree with them is by humbly hearing them (without interrupting) and humbly responding. It is okay to disagree, but if there is a lack of humility in your heart during hard conversations, it is probably going to stir more strife than peace. James 4:8 says, "God is opposed to the proud, but give grace to the humble." God will give pour out his amazing grace as you seek to be humble and honor him.

2. Remember the Gospel: Alfred Poirier encourages us to see criticism with our eyes on the cross. He says, "In light of God's judgment and justification of the sinner in the cross of Christ, we can begin to discover how to deal with any and all criticism. By agreeing with God's criticism of me in Christ's cross, I can face any criticism man may lay against me. In other words, no one can criticize me more than this cross has. And the most devastating criticism turns out to be the finest mercy. If you thus know yourself as having been crucified with Christ, then you can respond to any criticism, even mistaken or hostile criticism, without bitterness, defensiveness, or blame shifting. Such responses typically exacerbate and intensify conflict, and lead to the rupture of relationships. You can learn to hear criticism as constructive and not condemnatory because God has justified you."

3. Did you always hold this position?: For many of us, we did not always hold the complementarian position that we now embrace. Give your extended family an opportunity and grace to learn. Allow them to see the way you function as a family and not seek to teach them "why you are right." I have heard C.J. Mahaney say, "Time and truth are on our side" and I think this quote can apply here.

4. Get the log out of your own eye: Are you more aware of your sin or the sin of your extended family? Jesus says that you need to get the phone pole out of your own eye before you get the tooth pick out of theirs.

5. This is not your worst problem: Your worst problem is your sin and the wrath of the Father that you deserve and the eternal hell that should come to you. Through the cross of Christ, your worst problem is fully and finally handled because Christ was a substitute for the punishment you deserved. An offense by your extended family is not nearly as significant as your offense against God. Your worst problem is solved.

6. Husbands, lead graciously: A heavy handed husband is not going to win over anyone. A husband who is loving his wife as Christ loves the church is going to be respected. Your extended family is watching you and your marriage can be a picture of the gospel or a distortion of the gospel. Husbands, it starts with us.

7. Wives, submit intelligently: A feminist society cannot comprehend a loving wife who is positioned toward her husband and home. When wives joyfully serve and show that complementarianism is not "doormat-ism" the watching world marvels. Wives, use the gifts God has given you for his glory and the good of your family. Your extended family may never understand, but your Savior will say, "well done."

[Andrew Case is a second-year master of divinity student at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary who has written a book of prayers — Water of the Word: Intercession for Her — that a husband may pray for his wife. Case is single, but is praying these prayers already for his future wife. Water of the Word presently is available through the CBMW webstore. Case also writes and records Christ-centered, God-exalting songs and has been leading worship for the past 8 years. His songs are available for free download at www.hismagnificence.com. Case is a member of Clifton Baptist Church in Louisville.]

Gender Blog interviewed Andrew about his book:

Gender Blog: You are a single man, so what made you desire to write a book encouraging men to pray for their wives?

Andrew Case: First of all, I believe that, if I'm to be married someday, God has already ordained from before the foundations of the earth who my wife will be.  I can pray with confidence because I know that He knows who I'm praying for even though I don't.  Second, the Bible teaches that Christ intercedes for His Bride (Heb 7:25, Rom 8:34), even before she meets Him face to face (I Pet 1:8; Rev 22:4).  Since His elect are the Bride, He is praying continually even for people who have not yet come to know Him.  So if Jesus prays for His future Bride, then why shouldn't I?  If I want to show Christ to the world and follow His perfect example, one of the inevitable conclusions is that I should pray for my future wife.  I think this is obedience to Ephesians 5:25 for the single man.  It isn't always obvious, and it's definitely not always easy.  But I think every man who wishes to be married should diligently pursue such prayer.  It's glorifying to Christ.  It's sanctifying for the soul.  It's romantic.  And it certainly is a better use of the energy of a guy who's "burning with passion" than fretting or moping or worse.  So, in a nutshell, that's the theology behind me praying for my wife as a single man. 

God has also used many other means — big and small factors in my life — to bring about this joyful discipline. For example, I've learned through watching numerous friends and acquaintances through college and post college, that falling away and proving oneself to be an unbeliever happens all too often.  There have also been many who have settled comfortably into mediocrity.  Perseverance on the narrow road is a miracle of grace.  I don't want "the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things" to enter in and choke the Word in my wife before or after I meet her (Mark 4:19).  God must keep her in the love of Christ (Jude 1:1), and I am confident that He uses prayer as a means to that end.  I am keenly aware of the propensity within my own heart that Robert Robinson described in song: "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it — prone to leave the God I love."  Why not pray for her, as I pray for myself, that He would bind her wandering heart to Himself? 

GB: How did the creative process work itself out?

Case: I didn't really sit down one night and decide that I was going to write a book of prayers like this.  It was a slow, organic process.  To make a long story short, when I was just out of college, I came up with a great idea (in my opinion at least).  I bought one of those pretty cranberry, filigree ESV compact Bibles and began spending an hour every Thursday praying through Scripture for her.  When I prayed, I used that Bible and highlighted the passages that I chose to turn into prayer for her.  I thought this would be a good gift to be able to give her whenever she came along, to show her what I had been praying for her before we even met.  This I did for a while, until I had gone through two Bibles.  Then I decided to start writing them down, so I could reuse them. 

Around that time a friend told me that he had been struggling to pray for and with his wife consistently.  I wanted to help.  So I thought, "If I compile these prayers that I've been writing, he might be able to use them, and hopefully gain some benefit."  The number of prayers kept growing and growing, and when some other friends were about to be married, I thought that if I put the prayers in the form of a booklet like The Valley of Vision, it would make a practical, meaningful wedding gift.  That's more or less how the book version got started. 

GB: Are you praying some of these things for a possible future wife of your own?

Case: Yes.  I'm praying these things for a possible future wife of my own because God clearly has not granted me any so-called gift of singleness.  On the contrary, He has given me the same good desire He gave to Adam — for a helper, as it says in the Hebrew, "like opposite him."  Of course, God has every right to give me such a desire and never fulfill it... for my good (Rom 8:28).  But that possibility doesn't worry me, because praying Scripture is never a waste of time.  I'm a Christian hedonist, and praying the Word of God brings me great pleasure.  Moreover, it changes me because I get to commune with Him.  If He were never to grant me a wife, I would thank Him still for leading me to compile these prayers not only because they've helped many married men, but mainly because I've met with Him sweetly through them.  He's used them to conform me a little more to the image of His Son, and for that I am grateful.   

This week I read one of the more disconcerting pieces of news in recent memory.

It seems that a seven-year-old boy in Douglas County, Colo., wants to start dressing as a girl and be addressed with a girl's name. And the adults in his life (who should be guiding and teaching him) are apparently putting their unreserved imprimatur on his newfound identity.

"As a public school system, our calling is to educate kids no matter where they come from, what their background is, beliefs, values, it doesn't matter," said Whei Wong, Douglas County Schools spokesman.

According to one news report, Wong says the staff at this child's school is preparing to accommodate the student and, in what would seem to be a gross understatement, said the school is ready "to answer questions other students might have." These are, after all, omni-curious seven year olds.

Wong says teachers are planning to address the student by name instead of using gender-specific pronouns. The child will use the school's two unisex bathrooms.

Not surprisingly, a socio-political organization called "TransYouth Family Advocates" is intimately involved in this boy's life, "educating" both his family and Douglas County schools on the particulars of "gender transitioning" among children. Kim Pearson, executive director of TransYouth Family Advocates, said children as young as five years old are "realizing their true gender identity," and her group wants "to help parents who may be resisting it."

Parents should be-must be- resisting such utterly foolish and destructive counsel. God gives children parents, who ostensibly possess maturity and wisdom, and he calls parents to point their children to transcendent truth in times of confusion. He also calls them to protect their children from the wicked agenda of groups such as TransYouth Family Advocates, whose behavior in this case seems nothing less than predatory.

This is the latest, and perhaps most egregious example, of what theologian David Wells, in his latest book The Courage to be Protestant: Truth-lovers, Marketers, and Emergents in the Postmodern World, calls the exchange of nature for self. For nearly 1,800 years, humanity was spoken of as possessing "human nature," and Christians understood that nature as being created by God in His own image. But in the post-Enlightenment world, Wells argues (correctly, I think) that self has emerged to eclipse the traditional understanding of nature.

"The self is our interior world, made up of our own thoughts, private intuitions, desire, yearnings, springs of creativity, particularities, all that makes us distinct from every other person. My self is what in fact is unique about me," he writes. "I have a body like that of others, the same legs and arms, but my self is unlike what anyone else has." An accomplice to the emergence of self, Wells argues, has been the newly perceived "right" to define one's own existence. Therefore, I may be born a male biologically, but I say that I am a female or something in between, and so, I am whatever I define myself to be; there is no such thing as intrinsic nature. As illustrated in this tragic case that is unfolding in Colorado, anything is possible in this brave new world.

Sadly, a young boy in Colorado is being led down this insidious and deadly path, making Wells' great exchange (which is of course nothing more than the great exchange of Romans 1)  by adults who are foolishly calling on him (a seven-year-old no less!) to embrace his inner self, which may in fact be a her. This case is also illustrative on a deeper level, for this exchange, this will to self-definition is surely driving much of the contemporary transgender, gay, lesbian and bisexual agenda.

The effects of the Fall are profound and we must admit that the first Adam left in his wake a tsunami of existential confusion, broken relationships and self idolatry.

But thankfully, sin will not have the final word, for the Second Adam has come and has brought wisdom to the confusion, healing to the fractured relationships and is Himself a righteous King whose justifying grace smashes self idolatry to dust. Let us pray for this child in Colorado and for his family, that the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ would break in and bring light to their darkness.